A WEEK OF MIRACLES

I’m sorry I haven’t given an update before now.  Life has been so full and busy.  I usually have my chemo on Wednesday, but this week I had it today – Friday.  The reason was that my whole family came into town for several special events that took place this week.

You know it’s so interesting how our perspective can change when serious things happen to us.  This week our oldest son Byron was sealed to his wife Tracy Hatfield and their sweet 6 month old baby Carston.  My biggest desire was to be present at these special events.  The last two weeks I have been very sick and missed church.  So this week I have asked for 4 miracles.

The first was to be well enough to go to Church on Sunday (Christmas Day) and to be able to have the energy to open presents and enjoy a wonderful Christmas day with my family.  The Lord answered that blessing and it was so wonderful to attend church and then come home and spend the rest of the day with our children and grandchildren.  Our oldest daughter Charlene and Paul Johnson and family live in Las Vegas.  They were not going to be here for Christmas, but at 6:30 p.m. we heard a knock at the door and opened it to see their sweet faces and hear their voices singing our traditional family Christmas Song, “Wish you Merry Christmas.”  We were so delighted that they were there to exchange gifts with us that night.

The second miracle was that I could go to Tracy’s Endowment in the Draper Temple on Tuesday, December 27^th.  I got really sick on Monday, probably because of overdoing on Sunday.  But we all continued to pray for me to be well enough to attend this sacred event.  The Lord was so kind to me to make me well enough that I not only made it to the endowment, I had enough energy to stand in the prayer circle and visit in the Celestial room until the Bride and Groom came in! 



Garvin Siblings at Draper Temple for Tracy's Endowment - Dec. 27, 2011

The third miracle I asked for was to be able to go to their Sealing on Thursday – Dec. 29^th.  I was not feeling good at all that morning, having a lot of stomach cramps and gas.  But I prayed hard and left for the temple – asking the Lord to make me strong enough to witness this sacred event.  As I walked into the temple feeling very frail, Byron approached me and asked me if I would come and change into white so I could bring the baby to them at the altar.  I was honored to get to do this, yet didn’t know if I had strength enough to do it.  That’s when I remembered that FAITH was an action word and I needed to do my part.  I prayed the whole time I got dressed that I could make it through the sealing.  What a miracle it was.  During the whole sealing I had no gas or stomach pains.  I was able to enjoy the wonderful feeling there in the temple and witness this sacred covenant they made with each other.  Then to top it off, being able to hand this worthy couple their adorable baby was more than I could dream of!  It was such a marvelous experience, one I will never forget.  The minute I got to the dressing room, my gas pains started again.  I testify that if we will ask in faith, and then do everything in our power, if it is right the Lord will bless us to accomplish the thing we ask. 

                                            Byron and Tracy Garvin - Sealed in Draper Temple

(Here are some Family Websites that have more pictures and videos of this special event)

Garvin Family Website - http://garvinstyle.shutterfly.com/ Temple Sealing of our son Byron to his wife and son - http://garvinstyle.shutterfly.com/1352 
Short Video Clips of Byron and Tracy Garvin at the Draper Temple -
http://www.youtube.com/user/michelegarvin?blend=1&ob=video-mustangbase

So the fourth Miracle I asked for hasn’t happened yet.  This Sunday – January 1^st and Byron is blessing little Carston Bradley Garvin at church.  Then he and Tracy are the speakers in Sacrament.  I want so much to be a part of this wonderful event.  So my prayers will continue towards heaven.

Today was my third round of the heavy duty chemo-therapy (my 7^th time of chemo).  During this week, I get 3 drugs and this is the time that I get really sick.  The drug Carboplatin has a delayed reaction and it takes about 2-3 days to kick in with its negative effects.  So it should start sometime Sunday.  I feel pretty good right now, because they give me steroids when I get chemo.  So I’m kind of on a high for a day and a half and then reality and sickness set in.  So this is a really big miracle I am asking for.

Like I said before, this whole cancer experience has given me a whole different perspective on life.  In my previous life (BC-before cancer) I would not even have thought a thing about going to Tracy’s endowment and their sealing.  Of course I would be there and I wouldn’t even have prayed about it.  But now, that has been my every thought and prayer.  It has made these ordinances mean so much more to be, because I have had to exercise faith to be able to be there.

I found a quote in a book by Emily Watts that really made me stop and think.

“What if we understood that the very things that drive us to our knees are putting us in the exact position to find our Heavenly Father and our Savior?  What if, in turning us to heaven because we have nowhere else to go, our difficulties actually point the path to the salvation and exaltation we came to earth seeking in the first place?  It’s a different perspective, isn’t it?”

"Stories on the Sabbath" - Merry Christmas!

                               Santas Elves?

              A load of sheetrock had just been delivered.  I had been very busy, and I didn't see that it had been propped up against one of the walls.  It was December 19, 1992, and my family was engrossed in working on our home which was under construction.  Later that day something was needed behind the stack of sheetrock, and it was moved slightly away from the wall.  No one noticed the lurking danger this would later cause.

                        A loud thud, and then a piercing scream, echoed through the empty house.  My blood ran cold.  Instantly I knew what had happened and ran upstairs to see my precious four-year- old, Audrey, lying underneath a thousand pounds of sheetrock.

                        After summoning help to free my daughter from her prison, we rushed her to the hospital.  My poor little one's pain was so intense that she whimpered continually.  After x-rays, the doctor explained that her femur had been broken near the hip.  She was taken into surgery and a large, awkward body cast placed on her and was anything but comfortable.  It covered both of her legs with a bar joining the two, which prevented any walking.  It also went across her hips and up underneath her arms. 

                        Audrey was in the hospital for several weeks, and I stayed with her day and night to help comfort her.  As Christmas approached, many wonderful people helped shoulder the responsibility of caring for my other seven children.  My husband was a bishop at the time and helped as much as he could. We had already been through so much trauma, and the thought of not being together on Christmas was more than we could bear.

                        Early Christmas morning about 4:00 a.m. while Audrey was still asleep, I left the hospital to go home to be with the rest of the family while they opened their gifts.  Later that morning the rest of the family came to the hospital, and we all were there while Audrey opened her presents.  The children had really missed each other and I was feeling the weight of being gone.  Even though everyone took turns staying a day or two at the hospital, the burden was great.  Tales from the siblings made it obvious that the absence of their mother was indeed being felt, and I hated to send my precious family home to be alone on that special day.  They didn't even have a turkey to eat or any of the other special things I usually made for them at this holiday time.  Our hearts were full, yet heavy as we bade each other goodbye.

                        When the family returned home late that morning and walked into the house, they witnessed a small Christmas miracle.  On our large dining room table lay an elaborate spread of holiday cheer--Christmas dinner at its finest.  "Who has been here?" the children asked.  "Was it Santa's elves?" one child asked.  "No," their father replied, "but it was some of God's children commemorating the true meaning of this day." 

                        As we all bowed our heads in prayer that night, Audrey and I in the hospital room and the rest of the family at home, we thanked the Lord for sending some of his angels that day to our home.  Other Christmas days have come and gone since then, and I have realized what a busy, hectic time it can be.  As I think back on that gift of timely, Christ like service rendered to us, I am reminded of the real meaning of that special day.

                                     --Name Withheld (Story from By Small and Simple Things)

A week filled with tears - both of Sorrow and Joy!

This has been a week of tears for me!  I’ve been experiencing some unusually painful bowel problems and I don’t know the answer on how to correct them.  Monday I talked to 3 different people and had 3 conflicting opinions of what to do.  I received a blessing on Sunday and was told that the Holy Ghost would prompt me to know what to do.  I am still trying to learn to understand his promptings.  Saturday and Sunday were so painful that I was in tears.  I took one medication to do one thing and then had so much pain that I took something else to counteract those effects.  Saturday night I was up every two hours going to the bathroom.  Sunday morning I was physically and emotionally spent!  I wanted to go to church so much, but there was no way I could have made it through. 

When Craig came home from church he told me that he had talked to the Young Men’s President and that the young priests would be bringing the sacrament to me that day.  I was still in a lot of pain when they arrived.  As the priest reverently knelt and began offering the prayer, the words melted me to tears.  “Oh God, the eternal father…”  I continued crying as he offered me the bread and the water.  The sacrament seemed so real to me at that moment and the blessing at the end of the prayer was what I needed so much.  If I would take upon me His name and always remember Him and keep His commandments…then I could ALWAYS have His Spirit to be with me.  What a special promise!

Sunday night I had a much better sleep.  But with Monday came increased pain.  Once again I was exhausted that evening.  I had called my doctor and others and had been frustrated in knowing what to do.  For Family Home Evening we watched a conference talk and it was Elder Quinton L. Cook talking about trials and how our Heavenly Father was aware of each of us.  That’s when I began sobbing on the couch.  Craig stopped the video and came over and hugged me.  I don’t know exactly why I was crying, because I did know he loved me, but this trial was so hard, harder than I had ever realized.  I finally stopped crying and we went back to the talk.  A few minutes went by and a friend of mine called.  We let it go to voice mail and then she called again.  This time we stopped the video to see if it was something important.  She said she had something for me and asked if I was up for a visit.  Well, you guessed it, I started crying again!  She came over and I cried some more.  As she left, I felt that I had been sent an earthly angel to comfort me.

Tuesday night came and another one of my new friends who had just gone through surgery called to see how I was and offer some suggestions that had worked for her bowels.  We talked about many other things and as I hung up I said “love you so much” and she responded the same.  I just sat there amazed for a moment.  Since moving into this ward about 8 months ago, I have gained such deep, meaningful friendships that I am blown away.  Not only do I feel this dome of love from them, but my whole ward and my family and all of my friends from the different places we have lived.  How blessed I am.

This morning as I began reading my scriptures, I was in Mosiah chapter 3:7-13.  I began reading as usual, but then noticed that I had previously written something in the margin, so I stopped to see what it said.  It was talking about how Christ would come to his people and offer his life in order for them to have salvation, if they would believe on his name.  Then the following words jumped off the page,  “and lo, he cometh unto his OWN …and even after all this they shall consider him a man and say that he hath a devil, and shall scourge him, and shall crucify him.”  As I read these words, I broke down and cried.  Yes, I still had more tears!  This time it was for Him.  Here I had just experienced the JOY that came from having my friends and family (my OWN) all support and love me through my trial.  But here, our Savior was taking on all of his OWN’s trials, sins and sorrows and yet they still turned on him!  It hit me so strong.  Oh how much HE must have loved us to go through this for all of us (not just his own), who at times can seem so ungrateful for his sacrifice.  How hard would that be for him to take?  Then I cried some more wondering how many times I might have been guilty for doing the same thing.  I stand all AMAZED at the love Jesus offers me, confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me.  I tremble to know that for ME he was crucified.  That for ME a sinner he suffered, he bled and died!  Oh it is wonderful that he should care for me, enough to die for me. Oh it is Wonderful, wonderful to me!

My life would not be the same without our Savior and his Atonement.  It has blessed me more than I have or ever will comprehend.  It has offered me a way to come back to him when I have fallen short and a way to be comforted through my pains and trials.  Because of his atonement I am a better person.  Because of his atonement I can repent often so I can be worthy of attending the temple and making sacred covenants and returning to live with him again.  Because of his atonement, my oldest son and his wife and beautiful 6 month old baby can be sealed as a forever family in the temple this December!  This Christmas my heart is overflowing with joy, gratitude and love for this “Babe” who was born in Bethlehem who has come to SAVE us all from bondage!  Merry Christmas to all who may read this, it’s a Merry Christmas because of God’s Love!

What can we learn from the journey the Shepherds and the Wise Men took to see the Savior?

"Our discipleship doesn't require us to leave our sheep in the fields or to cross deserts.  Our journey to the Savior isn't physical; it is spiritual and behavioral.  It involves accepting and embracing 
                                 His Atonement."                              
                     -- Elder Patrick Kearon (Dec. 2011 Ensign pg. 31)

"Stories on the Sabbath"

                                                                   My Brother’s Keeper

We locked our car doors, and then cautiously rolled down the window a crack to hear what the man was saying.  "Please," he said, "we need a ride.  My wife is very ill.  Please, will you help us?"  As we drove, his words kept echoing in my mind.

My husband and I and our baby daughter had been shopping and were coming home from the store.  The weather was extremely windy and cold, but the warmth of our car was very comforting.  We were in the right lane at a red light and were slowly moving up as the cars in front of us turned right.  As we approached the intersection, we saw an elderly man standing at the corner.  We could see he was saying something to each car that passed him, but our windows were rolled up and we could not hear him.  We rolled them down when we got closer to him, then stopped so we could hear what he was saying.

"Please, will you help us?"  His pleadings for help had seemed so convincing.  Filled with mixed emotions about whether to help this man, we hesitated at the red light.  We had seen so many homeless people with signs requesting money, or help in some way.  Was this man's request legitimate?  Fear of possible danger from helping a stranger engulfed us.  My husband and I looked at each other and then we rolled up our window.  Where was this man's wife?  We both looked around trying to find her.

It was just as we thought.  There was no one else out in this horrible weather.  What did he take us for, anyway?  When we were about ready to drive away, a thought came to mind, "Am I my brother's keeper?"  I couldn't ignore it. Then I felt an overwhelming surge of charity.  We didn't offer an audible prayer, but it was as if in our hearts we prayed, "Father, if this is what thou wouldst have us do, please protect us and our little baby in the back seat!"  Then, turning toward each other, we knew what to do. 

"Where is your wife?" we asked the weather-beaten man.  As soon as he heard our question, he immediately cried, "Thank you God.  Oh God bless you.  Thank you, thank you!"  I glanced at my husband and a new warmth filled our car.  As I turned back to speak to this man, he was gone.  Looking down the street, we could see the shadow of an overly exhausted man running toward something.  We quickly followed him as we offered one more silent prayer for protection.

There, up the street about a block away, was a very sick-looking little old lady huddled in her blankets, trying to stay out of the wind and keep warm.  Her husband ran to her and helped her up with great care.  We unlocked our back doors for them to get in.  When the woman sat down and leaned back against the seat, a smile illuminated her tired face.  Her husband was filled with such deep gratitude.  "Thank you so much.  God bless you," he repeated over and over.  "God bless you!"

As we drove them to their apartment, we learned that they had spent the entire day at the hospital getting treatment for his sick wife.  Their car was in the shop getting new brakes and so they had walked, but she was too sick to go any further. Because they were trying to keep her out of the direct wind, they were not standing by the bus stop, and the bus had passed them by several times.

When we arrived at their apartment, we helped this little couple out of the car. Once again this appreciative man showered us with gratitude.  "God bless you, God bless you."  As we drove away, I cried all the way home, his words playing over and over in my mind.  Amidst the hustle and bustle of everyday living, we had found our brother.  Later I came upon a quote from President Spencer W. Kimball that summed up what happened on that cold, windy night:  "The Lord answers our prayers, but it is usually through another person that he meets our needs."  Am I my brother's keeper?  The answer rang out clearly to me, "Yes indeed!"

                                           --Tonya Larsen (story from By Small and Simple Things)

Pay It Forward!

President Kimball said:  "The Lord answers our prayers, but it is usually through another person that he meets our needs."  I have believed that all my life and now I have just witnessed another occasion where this has happened.  My daughter Amy's friend, Cara was checking out at the grocery store one day with a full cart.  A man came up out of nowhere and paid for her groceries.  She was so overwhelmed with gratitude and thanked him and asked him how she could repay him.  All he said was, "Pay It Forward". 

Cara was so grateful that she made it a matter of prayer about who she could Pay it Forward to.  A month had gone by and she hadn't felt prompted to do anything yet.  Last week Cara was reading this blog and one of the posts talks about a funny mix up about our washer and dryer when some sisters came to clean our house.  I had stated that our dryer was a piece of junk.  I have to tape the door shut because it keeps popping open during drying.  Each load takes me 2-3 times to get it dry. 

As Cara read this, she started to cry and was filled with the Spirit testifying to her that she had just found the people to whom she could "Pay It Forward".  She had her husband read the blog entry and he agreed that they should offer the dryer to the Garvins.  Recently their washer had gone out and so they had  just purchased a new set and had their extra working dryer still sitting in their garage!  We were thrilled when they brought it to us along with a delicious home cooked meal.

How blessed and amazed we have been as we continue to witness literally hundreds of acts of love, service and kindness.  The Lord must be so pleased with all of these wonderful earthly angels.  We can't wait until we can be healthy enough to "Pay It Forward" to someone else.

New Head Coverings - Scarves

I went to a Look Good Feel Better class that the American Cancer Society put together.  There I learned how to deal with the changes to my body including, skin care, make-up and head coverings.  It was so interesting to see several women being so brave sitting there with their bald heads and earrings.  As we put make up on, I looked at them and they were beautiful.  I wondered if I could feel that way about my new look. 

I loved learning how to put on scarves and have a versatile look.  I went to the store the next day and found some cute scarves.  I even had the nerve to take off my wig in the car and put on one of the new scarves and wear it into a store.  That's progress for me!  It was interesting to see people look at me and then give me this sweet smile like, "you poor thing".  But it made me realize that people do care even if they don't know you.  So here are some of my new scarves.  I even had the nerve to answer the door with one of my scarves on.  Wow, I'm really progressing.  I know in just a couple of weeks I will look back and laugh at this as such a trivial thing.  But for now, this is how I am learning to handle things. 

My New Wig!

I'm so grateful for Wigs!!  Here is my new wig.  I think it looks pretty much like me, just a little lighter color.

December 10, 2011 – Craig Shaves Michele's

I cried last night when I went to bed.  My hair was all matted in the back and you could see my bald head.  This is crazy how it is killing me to lose my hair!  I decided to take a shower this morning and wash my hair.   I thought showering would make me lose it all, but I was wrong.  Yes, a lot came out, but I still had a lot.  As I looked in the mirror, I reminded myself of one of those prisoners in a concentration camp.  It looked bad…too bad to keep it like it was.

Tauna spent the night and so I went downstairs to talk to her and ended up crying again!  I came upstairs and Craig said, “Okay, honey you’ve agonized over this long enough, let’s get the clippers and shave your head right now!’  Of course I didn’t want to do that EVER…but I knew the inevitable was here and so I relented.  Craig shaved my head and Tauna video-taped it.  I shut my eyes and cried off and on while he shaved it.  I couldn’t believe how much hair I still had.  This is one video that is probably not going to make it on my blog.  I look HORRIBLE with a shaved head!  I look like someone from a science fiction movie and I look like a cancer patient!  Ugh imagine that! 

In honor of  me going bald and to show love and support, my son Daniel shaved his head too!  Have you ever wondered if you have a birth mark on the back of your head?  Probably not....but I found out that I do.  Here's a picture of Dan with his new look and picture of the back of my shaved head (with my newly found birthmark).  That's all I can bear to share for now!!!!



This last weekend has been really rough!  This last chemo has been a lot harder on me then the others.  I don't know if it's because I had a taste of feeling good or what, but with these three drugs, (every 3 weeks I get the 3 heavy drugs and then the 2 weeks in between I only get one drug). I feel like I've been knocked down and still not feeling good and then Wednesday its' time to go back to chemo!  There's so much to do for Christmas and I don't have the energy to do it.  That is hard.  But I will survive.  I am very human and this has been the HARDEST thing I have ever done in my life!  But, as the saying goes, "I can do hard things" and then I like to add “through Christ!” At times I feel very strong and want to uplift others, but then there are days like yesterday that I don't want to be the strong one anymore! 

"Stories on the Sabbath"

Today I read a scripture in 2 Nephi 26:15 and two lines jumped out at me.  “…yet the words of the righteous shall be written and the prayers of the faithful shall be heard…”  Actually the first thing that caught my eye was the part about how the prayers of the faithful shall be heard.  I thought all of our family and dear friends, many who are reading this blog.  My husband and I can’t thank you enough for your prayers.  We literally FEEL them and because of them we are doing so much better!  Thank you.

Some of you may or may not know that I have written two books on Service. I wrote “By Small and Simple Things” in 1996 and “Out of Small Things” in 1999.  These books are a collection of short stories from real (righteous) people that I interviewed and then wrote their stories.  And so the words from the scripture, “…yet the words of the righteous shall be written…” prompted me to share these stories from the righteous. Since the books are both out of print, I feel inspired to start sharing one story from my book each Sunday.  In Utah they have a radio station that plays “Sounds of the Sabbath” on Sunday.  So why not have “Stories on the Sabbath” become a weekly tradition too!.  I hope you enjoy it.  Happy Reading!

This first story I'm going to share is in "By Small and Simple Things."  It is about our family when all of our children were younger.

                                                 "A Yellow Umbrella"

"How embarrassing!  Why did that car have to park right next to ours?" I mumbled under my breath.  It was summer and my husband and I, along with our five children had decided to go camping at Zion National Park.  We lived in Las Vegas, Nevada and  at that time there wasn't a temple there, so we decided to stop at the St. George Temple on the way to the park and do a session.   My husband would go through the first session and I would stay outside with the children, then I'd attend a session.

It was early in the morning, and we had parked at the back of the temple parking lot to avoid attracting attention.  Craig went in to do a session and I unloaded the family, then  got the bowls, cereal, and milk out and we started eating.  I was embarrassed that we couldn't afford to eat in a restaurant, so I wanted to be as inconspicuous as possible.  It was quite the scene with all of my little ones sitting on the curb, eating cereal out of plastic bowls.

Without warning, a car pulled up right next to us.  "Oh, great," I thought.  "Of all the places that car could have chosen in this big parking lot, it had to park right next to us."  The door slowly opened, and out stepped a humble looking, elderly gentleman.  He started getting his suitcase out in preparation to go into the temple.  I politely smiled when he looked our way; he energetically smiled back, and soon we were involved in a conversation.  He glanced down at my children, then leaned over to one of them and sweetly said, "Mmmm, those cheerios sure look good!"

During the course of our conversation, I learned that this man was "homeless."  He didn't have a home, so he lived in his car.  I was shocked!  The image I had of a homeless man was nothing like what this gentleman represented.  Many times as I drove the streets in Las Vegas I saw homeless men lying on the street.  They were often called "bums," but he did not fit that mold at all.  He was very polite and related well to my children.  The more I thought about him, the more amazed I was that a homeless man would be going to the temple.  How wonderful!

Then, as if a bell went off in my head, I thought, "If he said those cheerios look good, then they probably do."  I quickly said, "Please, will you join us?"  He hesitantly replied, "Oh no, no, I couldn't."   "Please," I insisted.  "Step into our dining room,"  I said motioning to the curb.  We both laughed and he relented, admitting that his only food the day before had been two cookies and a glass of milk.  "Yes, I probably could use a meal," he thankfully observed.  As I poured him some cereal, he pulled up his suitcase and turned it sideways to create a chair.  He sat next to the children and talked to them, bringing a warm, strong spirit to our conversation.  My children were infatuated with this good brother and enjoyed the experiences he shared.  It was so special to feel his spirit and be able to touch his life.

As he finished eating, I went to my van and started gathering some of our food to give him.  When he realized what I was doing he declined, but I put it on the top of his car anyway.  I told him that we wanted him to have this food.  He then excused himself for a moment.  I wondered what he was doing, because I could see him digging around in his trunk.  When he returned, he was carrying something in his hand.  He walked over and bent down to the children's level, bringing a yellow umbrella from behind his back.  Speaking to the children, he said, "I want you to have this umbrella because of the kindness you have shown me."  He then turned to me and said, "The Lord has sent me here today--for breakfast, and for much more."  Then he added, "I'd love to give you a hug, if I dared."  I immediately said, "Oh, I would love a hug!"  We embraced, and he started to cry.  I cried, too.   He said, "You just don't know what it means to have someone show they care!"

As I watched him walk toward the temple, I continued to wipe my misty eyes.  I reached down and picked up the yellow umbrella that had been so unselfishly given.  As I popped it open, I could almost hear him say, "Every time you see an umbrella, I want you to remember me, and the impact your service had on my life." 

It has been many years since that day, and my children are now much older.  But whenever it begins to rain, I look at every umbrella and hold to that memory once again.  As raindrops fall from the umbrella's edges, I am reminded of the sacred concept of service.  The taut, silken fabric of the umbrella provides physical protection from the elements for its owner. 

 Likewise when service is rendered, it provides emotional and spiritual protection to the receiver as well as the giver.  I will forever remember the vital lesson in love taught by a homeless brother's yellow umbrella.    

                                              --Michele R. Garvin, mother of five

How is Craig?

This is a question I get where ever I go.  Well, as you can see this if BOTH of our blogs…but trying to get my husband to take his turn in writing has not been too successful.  I guess the only time he will write is when I’m not doing well.  So for now, you will get to hear from me….which means I am doing well! 

It has been 5 weeks since his surgery and we have been surprised that it has taken him so long to feel better.  He had 5 holes in his stomach – one was the belly button and two on each side.  He had the robotic surgery and so the different robots arms went in each of the holes I guess.  Anyway, one of the holes was not healing as well as the others and we were a little concerned.  We called the doctor and he said that it would take a full 8 weeks for Craig to feel completely normal.  Wow!  I guess we weren’t expecting that.  But we are grateful he is getting stronger by the day.  He is back to work now 4 days a week and takes off Wednesdays to be with me at chemo.  (I'm trying to make the pictures smaller, so click on them and they will get bigger).

Earthly Angels

We live in the Lindon 17^th Ward and as far as Craig and I are concerned, it is filled with earthly angels.  Since our surgeries, we have been the continual recipients of Christ like love and service in the way of meals 3 times a week, our house being cleaned from top to bottom, our leaves being raked, Christmas lights put up on our garage and many beautiful flower arrangements, as well as hundreds of prayers and emails.  This is from people that hardly even know us.  These saints truly are keeping their baptismal covenants of bearing one another’s burdens and mourning with those that mourn.

This past week we had another crew of 5 earthly angels come to our home while we were gone getting chemotherapy.  When we got home from an exhausting day, another neighbor knocked on the door holding dinner in her hands.  Talk about love and service!  As we sat down to eat a nice warm meal, I couldn’t help but notice my sparkling appliances shinning back at me.  It was almost breath taking.  Then I went to the bathroom and saw beautifully clean sinks and mirrors and even a polished silver bathtub nozzle!  The floors were swept, mopped and vacuumed.  Everything was nicely dusted and cleaned – it was a heavenly feeling. 

There was a note on the table with a can of cinnamon wassail herbs to cook to make the house smell really Christmasy.  At the bottom of the note was a p.s. that said, “Your washer and dryer need to be switched.”  Later on that evening I said, “I wonder who gave us this stuff and note?”  My husband agreed and said that it must be someone that really knows us well to say that about our dryer.  I looked at him and asked him what he was talking about and he said, “You know, the part on the note that said we needed to get a new washer and dryer.”  I picked up the note again and re-read it and then started laughing hysterically.  I said, “Honey, when I got home, I noticed that the tablecloth was not on the table and realized that someone must have washed it.  So when I saw the note, the washer and dryer need to be switched, I knew that it meant that the stuff in the washer needed to be put in the dryer.  That’s all that it meant.” 

When Craig heard what I said, we both started laughing.  The fact that our dryer has major issues and it takes several times to get the load dry, added to Craig’s misunderstanding of the note.  Craig thought that the ladies were suggesting that we needed a new Washer/Dryer.  What a crack up! Life is too short to not take time to laugh at the little things in life.  Here's pictures of some of  our earthly angels.

Who Said Bald is Beautiful?

My hair is falling out more and more each day.  So each time I get dressed and go somewhere, I say to myself, “This is my last time with hair to…”  It’s been hard trying to deal with going BALD.  I’ve tried to look for the positive in things and the one thing I came up with last night was that I was grateful that I had thick hair.  Because if I didn’t, I would have lost all of my hair by now.  I know I’m not the first person to lose my hair, and I also know that my hair will grow back after 6 months…but in the meantime, that’s a long time to be without my own hair!  (I just re-read this post and if I didn't really know me - I would think that this person was really VAIN.  So please forgive me for appearing this way.  I am just sharing my real feelings as I deal with this loss).  :-(

GOOD, BETTER and BEST

GOOD - Today was a good, better and best day.  Chemo goes in increments of 3 weeks.  So I finished my first round and today was the start of round 2.  The first day of each 3 week cycle is the heavy duty day.  Today I received 3 drugs; Taxol, Carboplatin and the experimental drug, Avastin.  Each week before they can give me the chemo, they have to take a blood test and see if my red and white blood cells and platelets are high enough.  Last week my levels started looking a little low, so we didn’t know if I would be able to have chemo this week.  I was thrilled to find out that everything looked great and we could proceed.  We got there at 10:30 and finished chemo at 5:15.  It was a long day – actually an enjoyable and relaxing one though.  I appreciate how devoted my sweet husband is.  He insists on taking me to my chemo appointments, even though many have offered.  He is such a great emotional support to me.  We got a seat in the back by ourselves, brought our lunch and talked and read good books all afternoon.  Any day is good when you spend it with those you love.  Here’s a pic of me leisurely lounging and reading while getting chemo.

BETTER – I feel like I got a good report card today.  There is a blood test called CA(Cancer Antigen)-125 that is a tumor marker.  It is kind of like the PSA for men’s prostate.  After I had my initial cat scan and was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, they ran a CA-125 on me.  Normal is 0-35, mine was 687!  I then had surgery and on my next CA-125 it was 350 (showing I still had cancer cells floating in my blood).  This week they did another CA-125 and it is now 165!  In only 3 weeks of chemo, it has reduced by 50%.  That means the chemo is working!   I have decided to pray each time they put the chemo in me, that it will kill the necessary cancer cells and it is doing just that.  Yeah!

BEST – Last night was our Relief Society Christmas Dinner.  I had set a goal to go to that no matter what.  Even after getting home at 5:45 from chemo, and after reading a book on how important friends are I went.  My friend Lana came and picked me up at 6:20 and we decided that if I could only stay for half an hour, it was better than nothing.  It’s amazing the medicinal effect my Relief Society sisters had on me.  You would have thought I was a new woman.  At 9:00 Lana came over to me as I was talking to several sisters and said, “Okay, I need to take Michele home before she collapses!”  What a wonderful evening it was.  Here are some pictures we were able to snap that night. 





Don’t you just feel like pulling your hair out some days?

Our oldest daughter, Charlene lives in Las Vegas with her husband and 4 children.  She is the only one that is not up here in Utah.  Amy lives in Lehi, with her hubby and 3 children.  Byron and Daniel both live in Provo, with their wives and babies and Tauna teaches school in Riverton.  We feel so blessed to have them around.

The other day Charlene called and said that they were feeling left out of my cancer/chemo experience (even though she has come up for each of our surgeries).  She asked if I didn’t mind if I would video tape some of the stages of my hair falling out.  I told her that when I decided how I was going to handle it, I would let her know.  My cousin Robyn, when she lost her hair had a head shaving party with her family.  But for some reason, I’m being a woos and can’t handle doing that.  However, I wanted my family to be a part of my hair loss.  So we decided to have a “hair pulling out party.”

Everyone was here on Sunday and so we decided to do it then.  I had gone to the bathroom for a moment and all of a sudden I hear a loud knock at the door.  “Grandma….where are you?” asked my 5 year old granddaughter named Brooke.  “I’m in the bathroom honey, I’ll be out in a minute.”  “Okay,” she said “but hurry up cause we’re gonna PULL YOUR HAIR OUT!”  It came out so cute that I started laughing right on the pot!  Haha  Don’t you just love the way kids can help tense situations be bearable? 

So here is the video we took of our family having a “bonding experience” and helping Grandma pull out her hair.  This is taken on Sunday, Dec. 4th, 2011 – Day 18 of my chemo.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxCzgUJCmm4

Went Christmas Shopping!!!!

December 6, 2001

This week has been fabulous!  I have felt like a “big girl”, because for the first time in 9 weeks I drove a car all by myself!  I think I am actually healing from my surgery and it feels so wonderful to finally feel good.  Today I drove to the doctor to get my blood checked by myself and then went Christmas shopping and out to lunch.  It felt amazing!!!!  It was fun getting dressed in normal clothes and even wearing my boots for the first time this winter.  Right now, life is good and so I will enjoy it while I can. :-) 

Out of the mouth of Babes!

If you aren't feeling the spirit of Christmas yet, watch and listen to this precious child's rendition of the Real Meaning of Christmas.  It is so touching!!!!

Trying to make it through the Grieving Process

I think I am going through a grieving process on many accounts.  Lately I’ve started noticing hair all over the place,.  I was told that it would take about 21 days after chemo started to lose my hair.  Wednesday was my 3^rd week of chemo and yesterday was my 16^th day.  Each time I brush my hair there is a lot of hair in the brush, but that is kind of normal.  Then last night I saw a hair fall onto the bathroom counter, I picked it up and saw that it was long and dark, all except the end and that was grey!  It was at that moment that I realized that it was a whole strand of hair that fell out by the root (my roots are grey).  In that moment, I came to the realization that I am truly going to lose my hair!  There have been so many changes since both of our surgeries that have affected our lives in a negative way, that I started to cry.  This was just one more thing.  Bless my sweet husband’s heart, he stopped what he was doing and came and put his arms around me and just let me cry!  I cried for the loss of many things….it felt good to let it out.

One thing that I have come to realize during this healing process is that there is no room for contention.  If I want to feel the healing power of the atonement in my daily life, I have to make sure that I am a clean and pure vessel.  In order to be clean, I have realized that I need to repent daily and even hourly if negative thoughts or feelings arise.  I told my husband last night, that in order for us to make it through this, if both of us are the least bit irritated with each other, we need to ask for forgiveness and then repent.  This is too hard of a process to go through without the Savior by our side.  It’s too bad we had to experience this trial to realize that!

Wayne Brickey gave this quote in his book on suffering:   “Oddly enough our vision sometimes IMPROVES when our conditions WORSEN, creating an occasional window pane or window of PAIN in the veil.  A paralyzing problem can bring the stillness that causes us to pause, and for a change, reverently look at the whole scene (this life and eternity).  The only scene we can trust is the whole scene.”   If we bach at the difficult things, we will not learn the things we have come to earth to learn and we will only see a ‘partial view’ or ‘scene’ and not the whole view.”

I’m reminded of the scripture that says, “Be still and know that I am God.”  So many times we are not still enough, until a problem comes along that paralyzes us and helps us to be still.  I am thankful for this experience to pause and try and be still.  It isn’t what I would ask for, but it is what I need. 

Orson F. Whitney said something so powerful which has helped me through this painful process:  “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is ever wasted!  It ministers to our education through the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility.”  I need all the help I can get in developing patience, faith and humility.