A week filled with tears - both of Sorrow and Joy!

This has been a week of tears for me!  I’ve been experiencing some unusually painful bowel problems and I don’t know the answer on how to correct them.  Monday I talked to 3 different people and had 3 conflicting opinions of what to do.  I received a blessing on Sunday and was told that the Holy Ghost would prompt me to know what to do.  I am still trying to learn to understand his promptings.  Saturday and Sunday were so painful that I was in tears.  I took one medication to do one thing and then had so much pain that I took something else to counteract those effects.  Saturday night I was up every two hours going to the bathroom.  Sunday morning I was physically and emotionally spent!  I wanted to go to church so much, but there was no way I could have made it through. 

When Craig came home from church he told me that he had talked to the Young Men’s President and that the young priests would be bringing the sacrament to me that day.  I was still in a lot of pain when they arrived.  As the priest reverently knelt and began offering the prayer, the words melted me to tears.  “Oh God, the eternal father…”  I continued crying as he offered me the bread and the water.  The sacrament seemed so real to me at that moment and the blessing at the end of the prayer was what I needed so much.  If I would take upon me His name and always remember Him and keep His commandments…then I could ALWAYS have His Spirit to be with me.  What a special promise!

Sunday night I had a much better sleep.  But with Monday came increased pain.  Once again I was exhausted that evening.  I had called my doctor and others and had been frustrated in knowing what to do.  For Family Home Evening we watched a conference talk and it was Elder Quinton L. Cook talking about trials and how our Heavenly Father was aware of each of us.  That’s when I began sobbing on the couch.  Craig stopped the video and came over and hugged me.  I don’t know exactly why I was crying, because I did know he loved me, but this trial was so hard, harder than I had ever realized.  I finally stopped crying and we went back to the talk.  A few minutes went by and a friend of mine called.  We let it go to voice mail and then she called again.  This time we stopped the video to see if it was something important.  She said she had something for me and asked if I was up for a visit.  Well, you guessed it, I started crying again!  She came over and I cried some more.  As she left, I felt that I had been sent an earthly angel to comfort me.

Tuesday night came and another one of my new friends who had just gone through surgery called to see how I was and offer some suggestions that had worked for her bowels.  We talked about many other things and as I hung up I said “love you so much” and she responded the same.  I just sat there amazed for a moment.  Since moving into this ward about 8 months ago, I have gained such deep, meaningful friendships that I am blown away.  Not only do I feel this dome of love from them, but my whole ward and my family and all of my friends from the different places we have lived.  How blessed I am.

This morning as I began reading my scriptures, I was in Mosiah chapter 3:7-13.  I began reading as usual, but then noticed that I had previously written something in the margin, so I stopped to see what it said.  It was talking about how Christ would come to his people and offer his life in order for them to have salvation, if they would believe on his name.  Then the following words jumped off the page,  “and lo, he cometh unto his OWN …and even after all this they shall consider him a man and say that he hath a devil, and shall scourge him, and shall crucify him.”  As I read these words, I broke down and cried.  Yes, I still had more tears!  This time it was for Him.  Here I had just experienced the JOY that came from having my friends and family (my OWN) all support and love me through my trial.  But here, our Savior was taking on all of his OWN’s trials, sins and sorrows and yet they still turned on him!  It hit me so strong.  Oh how much HE must have loved us to go through this for all of us (not just his own), who at times can seem so ungrateful for his sacrifice.  How hard would that be for him to take?  Then I cried some more wondering how many times I might have been guilty for doing the same thing.  I stand all AMAZED at the love Jesus offers me, confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me.  I tremble to know that for ME he was crucified.  That for ME a sinner he suffered, he bled and died!  Oh it is wonderful that he should care for me, enough to die for me. Oh it is Wonderful, wonderful to me!

My life would not be the same without our Savior and his Atonement.  It has blessed me more than I have or ever will comprehend.  It has offered me a way to come back to him when I have fallen short and a way to be comforted through my pains and trials.  Because of his atonement I am a better person.  Because of his atonement I can repent often so I can be worthy of attending the temple and making sacred covenants and returning to live with him again.  Because of his atonement, my oldest son and his wife and beautiful 6 month old baby can be sealed as a forever family in the temple this December!  This Christmas my heart is overflowing with joy, gratitude and love for this “Babe” who was born in Bethlehem who has come to SAVE us all from bondage!  Merry Christmas to all who may read this, it’s a Merry Christmas because of God’s Love!