Spiritual Home Run!

I wanted to give an update on what has happened since I last wrote on my blog almost 3 weeks ago.  After receiving my chemo treatment we headed to Vegas.  I felt pretty good for about 3 days and then the pain began and I got sicker and sicker.  I was so miserable that I stopped eating for about 3 days.  I wasn't hungry at all and that seemed to relieve some of the pain.  But I was still so weak.  I continued to struggle with fluid build up around my lungs and it seems that every 10 days, I have to have it drained again.  Just 3 days ago I had 2 more liters taken off the lungs.  So that's a total of 7.25 liters of fluid off my left lung.  It's hard to breathe and painful to have it removed, but I'm still trying to hang in there!.

Even thought I was feeling so sick in Vegas, I am so grateful that I was there at the Johnson's for that week. These grandchildren know that I have cancer and have seen me not feeling good, off and on, but it seems like every time they come up to Utah, my adrenaline kicks in and I am better.  So, for reality sake, I felt it necessary for them to be near me when I was sick so they were not taken by surprise when I die. 

One evening the family wanted to go on a walk, but I was too weak to walk.  So the grand kids came up with this "awesome" idea of pulling me around the neighbor in their little red wagon.  I was sure the older kids would be too embarrassed, but they were not.  Don't you just love the innocence of kids.  Oh that we could gain that back again!

Here's a picture of me in the wagon with Allie, Kara, Cooper, Cassidy and Paul

These kids are so sweet and attentive and at such calm stages in their lives, which helped with my sickness.  The older girls would come and put their arms around my waist and help me lie down or get up from the couch, or help me get upstairs to my bedroom.  The twins were so adorable, the way they would quietly open my door in the morning and peek in to see if I was awake yet.  When I waved to them, they would lite up and come running over to me and start talking.  It was so rewarding to be with these grand kids in this capacity for a week.  

Charlene and Paul were so sweet to me too, always wanting to know what they could do to ease my discomfort.  But the greatest gift they gave to me, was to start accepting the possibility that I could die soon and letting me talk to them and my grandchildren about it.  I will cherish that week spent with them, if for nothing else, the heart to heart talks we had about the Plan of Salvation.

A SPIRITUAL HOME RUN

One afternoon Allie and Kara and I were sitting at the bar and the conversation turned to a serious note.  I felt impressed to bear my testimony of the 3 members of the Godhead in an individual way.  I told them that I felt like the Holy Ghost has been one of my dearest friends throughout my life.  I cherished the fact that he had always been there guiding me and helping to make correct choices and stay on the straight and narrow path.  Then I talked about how much I loved the Savior, Jesus Christ.  How amazing it was that each of us had an older brother that loved us so much that he would suffer the pain I was feeling at that very moment, so that he could truly emphasize and comfort me when I had to experience it myself.  I talked about the miracle of the Atonement and how awesome it was that we could be forgiven of the sins and mistakes we make if we will become humble and repent.  I also spoke of how important it was to me that Christ broke the bands of death and was resurrected so that I could be resurrected too! 

Then I told them how much I loved my Heavenly Father and mother.  Sometimes we don't know how to narrow down the things we are grateful for because of them.  They are the parents of our spirits and gave us the ability to participate in the miracle of birth, so we could gain our physical body and have earthly parents to love us, in their absence while on earth.   They have watched and loved us all along our path of life and have an omniscient love for us! 

I then turned to both Allie and Kara and said, "But I learned something about Heavenly Father years ago that completely changed and deepened my love for him."  Kara with big eyes asked, "What did you learn Grandma?"  I told them that Heavenly Father started out just like each one of us, different than how Jesus Christ began..  I could tell that they were not understanding where I was going with this and so Allie asked, "What exactly do you mean?" 

I said, "We know that Jesus Christ was half mortal and half God, and the God part of him allowed him to be perfect.  But the amazing thing about Heavenly Father is that he was NOT part God and not perfect.  He was born completely human and he made mistakes everyday just like you and I do."  At this point I could tell they were confused.  How could he be a God now and not perfect before?  Good question.  

I then said, "Our Heavenly Father started out as a normal baby on a normal earth created by HIS Heavenly Father, or in other words he was born on OUR Grand Heavenly Father's Earth."  I paused for a moment to let this sink in and could see the wheels turning in both of their heads.  Then all of a sudden Kara says, "Oh man this is blowing my mind.  Then does this mean what I think it does?" 

I said, "What do you think it means Kara?"

She took a deep breath and with a bit of apprehension she finished her thought, "That means that each of us can become Gods too, just like Heavenly Father!"

I grabbed her as if she had just hit a spiritual home run and yelled, "That's it exactly - You go girl!!!!!  You just summarized the whole purpose of the Plan of Salvation!" 

There is NOTHING more exhilarating for me as a grandmother, and one who absolutely LOVES to teach, to try and teach an important concept and see them finally get it!!!!  Oh Happy Day!

       HEAVENLY FATHER'S PLAN MADE REAL

Let me share another very tender moment I had that same week, with our 5 year old twins, Cooper and Cassidy.  Like I said before, they loved to come in and crawl in bed with me in the mornings.  We would talk, or sing and read a book.  This one morning I felt like I wanted to make sure that they understood the possibility of me dying and not being in their lives for a while.

My sweet visiting teacher, Sue Easton put this thought into my head and I have loved it since I heard it.  It is not doctrine, but it certainly could have happened and was a beautiful way for me to segway into the subject of me dying.

I began by describing what it must have been like in Heaven before we were all born. I'm sure we loved being together just like we do here on earth.  We probably sat around talking and doing things together and loving every minute of it, just like we do here.  We were told that when it was our turn to come to earth that we shouted for joy at the thought of being born and coming to earth! 

Then one day I finally got my call from Heavenly Father and was told that it was my turn to come down to earth.  I was so excited and so I ran to tell all of my family.  Well, when I shared with all of you my exciting news, you said,  "But Grandma, we don't want you to leave us!"  And your parents said, "Mom, we don't' want you to leave either." 

For a moment my heart broke, not ever realizing before that you would experience pain at my departure.  "But kids," I said trying to help you understand the bigger picture, "I have to go to earth, because if I don't ever get born, then you can't be born either!" 

I then promised them that I would try to live righteously and teach their Mamas and Daddy's the Gospel, so all of my grand kids could be born into righteous Family's and we would once again be together on earth!   Then I said with my arms outstretched, "And look at us now.  Didn't I keep my promise?" 

And so now we have been together here on earth and learned to love and cherish each other and pretty soon I'm going to get the call that it is time for me to die.  And you grand kids will say, "But Grandma we don't want you to die."  And my kids will say, "Mom we don't want you to die."  And then I will say, "I don't want to die either, but this is all part of the plan.  And once I die we will be separated for just a little bit (like we were before) and then you will die too and then we will all be together again."  I wanted to end my thoughts with something like, "So this is what they call the Plan of Salvation or Plan of Redemption or Happiness," but I didn't, because those words just seemed too big for these two little people to grasp.  So I let that unsaid.

When I was finished, Coop and Cass looked at me and  both matter-of-factly shook their heads and said, "Yep, that's how it's going to be."  They asked me to read them a book and then they jumped off the bed and ran to play.  It is so interesting how these spirits, who were saved for the last days seem to accept these eternal truths at face value, why don't we? 

Several hours later when we were eating lunch, Cassidy asked if she could say the blessing on the food.  At the end of the prayer she paused and said, "and thank you for Heavenly Father's Plan!"  I was dumbfounded that a child could summarize in just 3 words what it had taken me 20 minutes to describe.  When the prayer was over I grabbed and hugged her and said, "Cassidy, that's it.  Heavenly Father's Plan is what I just described to you in my bedroom!"  Who would have known that a simple lesson in her primary class about following God's Plan, would some day allow her to give a title to what she had just been taught about death, dying and being together forever!