The Roller Coaster of Dying!

It’s been a while since I've been able to write some of my feelings and I am feeling that urge to express my gratitude to the Lord.  These last few weeks have brought on a whirlwind of emotions that have accompanied my latest health news. Just as a recap, five weeks ago, (July 23, 2014) it was time for me to go back to Dr. Wallentine’s (my oncologist) to get my CA-125 and to start the 2^nd course of chemotherapy.  That morning when I was in the shower, I started crying and I felt like I wanted my numbers to go up so that would make my decision for me. At first that thought didn't make since to me because, of course – I want to be healed, but I now know that it was the Holy Ghost preparing me for the bad news I was about to receive.

Later that morning I met with Dr. Wallentine and he had receive the results from my latest CA-125 test.  He said that he had never seen cancer blow through chemotherapy like mine had just done.  Four weeks before, my CA-125 had been around 400 and now it had sky rocketed to 2,764!  When I heard the news, I started to cry because it was kind of like a confirmation of what I had been feeling in the shower.  He then said that as a doctor, he is a fighter and he never gives up because there are so many chemo drugs that he would have normally suggested that we try.  He looked at me and said, "But with you Michele,  I don’t feel right about using any of them,"  and I agreed with him.  It was almost as if I was receiving the “call” to come home, to stop prolonging the inevitable and begin the final process. That may sound comforting, but it's a lot easier said than done.

HOSPICE

So much has happened since that last appointment with my oncologist.  I was put on Hospice that very night and now it’s been over 5 weeks and I'm still alive and kicking!  How long will it take for me to die?  You know its totally a guessing game to each of us, but we are told that our days are numbered before the Lord and that brings me comfort.  If there were an Education Week class entitled, "Teach me How to Die!" then I would be the first one in line.  Not because I want to die, but because I know that it is inevitable and the more I don't understand the process, the harder emotionally and physically it seems to be on me and my family.  No one knows when it’s their time, except the Lord and by golly for someone like me who has control issues, that's hard to accept!!  I also know that even when I feel like I'm "done," it doesn't mean it's my time either.  It probably means I get to be taught another lesson in patience (which I've seemed to flunk all of my life).  This also indicates to me that I've joined the ranks of many great men and women who have walked in faith before me and had to learn to patiently how to submit their "will" to the Lord, and finally in that process they are being tutored how to "endure to the end." 

ANGELS AMONG US

One thing I have learned during this process is that there definitely are angels among us.  There always has been, but I've failed to identify them before. This time I’m talking about the earthly ones. My patriarchal blessing tells me that I will have the "power and ability to call down ministering angels in time of need."  Well, since my time on earth seems to be running out, it seems like now would be a good time to receive those angels.  It wasn't until the other day when sweet friends and neighbors called and stopped by to visit and express their love and concern, that I was reminded that I am definitely surrounded by “earthly angels.”

LEARNING NEW LESSONS

I’m learning new lessons along the way.  Last night I was awakened for about 3 hours and all I could do was feel deep gratitude. Gratitude for being born in the last days to faithful parents and amazing siblings who have taught me so well. Gratitude to be sealed to such a righteous man and to have such valiant, amazing children and grandchildren be born into our eternal family unit. Gratitude for a strong testimony of the Plan of Salvation.  It is true!  There is no doubt in my mind!!!! This plan is the only thing that can even come close to take away the sting of death!

WHY BE GOOD!?

This phrase has gone through my mind on many occasions throughout my life and now I can truthfully say that I have the answer!  It’s because of the amazing peace of mind and conscious you can feel during your last days on earth, if you have been good!  The saying is so true, “you are what you eat!”  And so it goes with being righteous.  It is a day-by-day process of  “becoming,” not just quickly arriving at a destination; but truly experiencing the joy and growth that can come as we go through our own personalized “journey” to become who God already knows who we are!. 

As I look back and see the different times I made the choice to do or not do something, and yet sometimes still felt like I was missing out because I didn't get to do that particular thing even though it was not the best for me in the first place.  Well, it’s now more clear to me than ever before that it does matter!  Every little drop of oil we put into our lamps truly makes us who we are.  In a humble way, I am liking who I have become. Because as I lay sick and awake at night and I review my life, I am able to be filled with gratitude for those righteous choices I made instead choices that would have produced regret!

CAN SOMEONE TEACH ME HOW TO DIE?  

I feel like another title I could have used for this post could have been, "Can someone teach me how to die?  This last Monday, August 25, Marie and Marilee (my sweet hospice nurses) came to check on me.  As I described the new pain and nausea I was experiencing they told me that I had all of the signs of bowel blockage.  This is one of the ways ovarian patients end up dying and so when they suggested I was showing signs of this, it made everything seem so real again to me.

You know it's seems ridiculous the fact that I'm fighting this because all along I have known that I have a terminal illness and the chemo and other things we were doing were only for relief,  not a cure.  But for some reason in the back of my mind I must have believed, "yeah, that might be true for others, but for me, I could be the exception!"

Elizabeth Ross-Kubler has documented 5 stages of grief on the internet and one is DENIAL.  After reading over these steps, I realized that because I had been blessed to do so well for over 1 1/2 year, it was as if I believed that I wasn't really going to die.  "Why couldn't I be the exception to the rule?"  But  after describing my symptoms to my nurses this time around, and realizing that I was not going to be an exception, it seemed to hit me even harder this time.  I cried and cried  and that's when one of nurses helped me see that I was going through the first stage of the  "Five Stages of Grief."

1. Denial — As the reality of loss is hard to face, one of the first reactions to follow the loss is Denial. What this means is that the person is trying to shut out the reality or magnitude of his/her situation, and begins to develop a false, preferable reality.
2. Anger — "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; '"Who is to blame?"; "Why would God let this happen?"  Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Anger can manifest itself in different ways. People can be angry with themselves, or with others, or at a higher power, and especially those who are close to them. It is important to remain detached and nonjudgmental when dealing with a person experiencing anger from grief.
3. Bargaining — "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if…"
   The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow undo or avoid a cause of grief. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the individual is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just do something to buy more time…" Bargaining rarely provides a sustainable solution, especially if it is a matter of life or death.
4. Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die soon so what's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?" During the fourth stage, the grieving person begins to understand the certainty of death. Things begin to lose meaning to the griever. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and sullen. This process allows the grieving person to disconnect from things of love and affection, possibly in an attempt to avoid further trauma. Depression could be referred to as the dress rehearsal for the 'aftermath'. It is a kind of acceptance with emotional attachment. It is natural to feel sadness, regret, fear, and uncertainty when going through this stage. Feeling those emotions shows that the person has begun to accept the situation. Oftentimes, this is the ideal path to take, to find closure and make their ways to the fifth step, Acceptance.
5. Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
   In this last stage, individuals begin to come to terms with their mortality or inevitable future, or that of a loved one, or other tragic event. This stage varies according to the person's situation. People dying can enter this stage a long time before the people they leave behind, who must pass through their own individual stages of dealing with the grief. This typically comes with a calm, retrospective view for the individual, and a stable mindset.

HOW DO I GO FROM MAKING COOKIES TO DYING?

This all sounds well and good, but how do I actually go from pushing myself to making cookies and granola to really dying? I feel like I need some one to teach me how to die!

 Earlier on Monday morning before the nurses had arrived, I had gotten up and decided to push myself to make some granola and then to surprise Craig by making some of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

 The cookies truly were a labor of love for Craig, because even in my best health, I hate to make cookies!  When the nurses walked in they could smell the cookies baking and when they found out  I was feeling good enough to make cookies they were impressed.

Acts of service is my secondary love language, and   I've also realized that when I am focusing on doing something for someone else, it helps to take the focus off my own pain.  

As the nurses were leaving I decided to ask the question that had been weighing on my mind all day.  "So just HOW do you go from making cookies to dying?”  They chuckled to themselves and said that I just needed to follow what my body was telling me to do and things will begin to happen naturally.  

They don't really know my personality!  Will that really happen or am I just too stubborn for even the natural process to begin!?!  Oh man this is definitely harder than I ever thought it would be.  I’m the all or nothing type of person.  If I’m going to die, I just want to die and get it over!  If not, then let me feel good enough to live! Then I realized that this is the other process the Lord asks us to go through and it is called, “ENDURING TO THE END!”  Oh yeah, I forgot about that fun process!  So here I am, back to learning to submit myself and my will to the Lord. (I'm a slow learner - it may take a while before I go!) 

Garvin Family Reunion

We had our little Craig and Michele Garvin Family Reunion this year on July 3-5, 2014 at Springville, Utah.I just realized that I never posted any of the pictures or the cute video that our daughter-in-law, Kyrstin put together of some of our special memories.  I can't even begin to express the love and gratitude I have that I am a child of God and was born to be a mother and experience the joy and sorrow that this earth life has brought.  Each moment I have to share with my husband, children, and grandchildren is truly a cherished gift!

This experience of knowing that I don't have much time left, has definitely helped us put things into perspective.  We have also realized that a picture is worth a thousand words ANYTIME you take it, even if you have been camping for 3 days and have no make up on!

Here's some memorable shots we got - a-l-l n-a-t-u-r-a-l as we were breaking camp.

 Craig, Michele, Charlene, Amy, Byron, Dan and Tauna

  The Garvin Gang now includes 24 of us.  

Twelve adults and 12 grandchildren.  

Soon we will be outnumbered!  What a wonderful thing!

Our Greatest Blessings

Call us Grandpa and Grandma!

Grandma and Grandpa Garvin with our 12 Grandchildren;

Allie Johnson -13; Kara Johnson - 11; Natalie Rindlisbacher -9;

Brooke Rindlisbacher - 7;  Mya Rindlindlisbacher- 5; 

Cooper and Cassidy Johnson - 5 yr old twins;

Ryan Rindlisbacher (with Craig) - 2; Cadence Garvin - 8 weeks (with Michele)

Carston Garvin (Byron's) - 3; Claire Garvin - 2; Logan Garvin - 3 1/2 (Dan's)

Here's our crazy FIVE  

always keeping life real and ALIVE!!!!

"The Things of My Soul"

CAUTION:  This post has turned out to be a lot longer than I had planned.  I got really sick this weekend and they have put me on antibiotics and a steroid.  So this is the affects of me being on a high from the steroids.  It won't be long before they wear off, but why not take advantage of them when you can.  If you are receiving this through automatic email, you might want to click on the grey words at the beginning of the post that say, "The Cancer Chronicles" and it will take you directly to the blog which will be easier to read in proper format and see appropriate pictures.

When Craig and I were married 36 years ago, we set a goal to make it a high priority in our lives. The Temple has always had a special place in my heart.  When I was young, we lived 3 hours from the Mesa, Arizona Temple and so when my parents went to do a session, all of us kids usually went with them.  We hung out at the visitors center or played around in the beautiful outside surroundings.  I don't know if that is why I have such a love for the temple, but it is there and it burns within me!  We have also tried to instill this same love for the temple in our children through our example. One of the most special things I was given right before I received my Endowments, was a little 39 cent spiral notebook from my older sister, Shawna. She handed it to me and challenged me to keep a record of my temple attendance in it. Well, I took that challenge literally and it has become a precious sacred record to me for the past 36 years!

I call them "The Small Plates of Michele."  Every time we went to the temple I would put the name of  the temple we were attending, the date, and what we did that day, whether it was endowment, initiatory or sealings.  Then I would record who was there with us sharing in the temple experience.  Several times we've needed to refer to my record to check out important dates.

As the years have progressed (36) we now are on our 3rd volume and it is just as expensive as the one above. But I did splurge this time and get one that was bound on the left side.  I also found that as the years went by, we had more family and personal challenges than before.  Without me even realizing it, I soon found myself writing the statistics kind of information on the right side of the page and then on the left I would write the spiritual blessings we had received or financial or emotional challenges we needed special help with.  I soon began to realize that these were becoming my sacred writings like that of Nephi. Now they are more precious than gold to me and I'm so thrilled to share them with my kids.

But lest you worry that there are no "Large Plates of Michele," I just happened to have a picture on hand for you. Most of you who know me, know that I have "verbal diarrhea," as my husband lovingly puts it. But one of my favorite past times is writing and so I also have been blessed with "digital diarrhea" too. (For some reason I am feeling impressed to share this much detail, so please bear with me.)  I started keeping a journal when I was a freshman at BYU and have written in it on a fairly regular basis up until now.  I never wrote every day or forced myself to write.  It was just when I felt there was something important to share and often I would be prompted by the Holy Ghost to find time to record that special experience.

This last year I took an amazing class on Family History from Ann Lewis. She has a class starting in Orem, Utah in August 2014 - her email is annlaemmlenlewis5@gmail.com  for the specific date. I would encourage anyone living on the Wasatch front to take her class. She not only talks about the dead part of genealogy, but also how to preserve things for your living children and how to present it to them in a more "user friendly" form that they can relate to. What jumped out at me was when she told us that on the 3rd floor of the Harold B. Lee Library at BYU they have some of the most sophisticated scanners available for FREE.  When she said the magic word "free", my eyes lite up and I knew that this was going to be my next project.  So since January 2014, a friend and I went down to BYU almost every Tuesday and scanned our hearts out.  I loaded what I thought I could scan that day into a rolling suitcase and off I went.  Above is a picture of the box with all the original journals in folders.  I ended up scanning 22 volumes of journals! Below is a screen shot of the digital, dated copies.

This has been one of the most rewarding things I've ever done, especially for the fact that I am not going to be around much longer.  What a wonderful way for my children and grandchildren to have an opportunity to get to know me in an intimate way, that doesn't always happen when we are alive.

In addition to this, for the last two years I have also been seriously working on my Life History to leave for our kids.  It is a summary of my childhood to now.  I'm trying to summarize it up to when we moved to Lindon, Utah.  I've still got about 25 pages to go.  Then I plan to burn a DVD for each of my 5 kids with my Life History and all of the 22 volumes of journals on it.  This way when I am gone and they are having a hard time with one of their kids and wished they could call me, they can look at my scanned journals, estimate the date they would have been that same age and click on it and read how we as parents handled them! Maybe they'll get a taste of their own medicine. Hopefully this will be a good experience and not back fire on me in Heaven.

I am so thankful for the example Nephi has provided for all of us.  

2nd Nephi 4:15 And upon these (plates) I write the things of my soul, and many of the scriptures which are engraven upon the plates of brass. For my soul delighteth in the scriptures, and my heart pondereth them, and writeth them for the learning and the profit of my children.

********

A BIT OF HEAVEN ON EARTH 

Who needs to go to Heaven, when it is right here?

        Byron, Tracy, Steve, Amy, Daniel, Kyrstin, Craig, Michele, Charlene, Paul, Tauna and Isaac

I just realized that I never posted pictures of what may be my last trip to the temple.  Two weeks ago our kids planned a night for all 12 of us (our 5 kids and their spouses) to go to the Mt. Timpanogos Temple and do Family Sealings. What an amazing feeling it was to sit in the Celestial room looking at each of our children and knowing that they had chosen mates that would go to the temple with them and hopefully allow this legacy of temple attendance be passed down to our grandchildren.  It was extra special because we had been able to do some of the other ordinances for these same people and so we recognized some of the names who were sealed, and it felt like we had a special bond with them.

 The original Garvin Family all grown up!

 Here's a shot of our 5 sons and our 5 daughters.  Yes we have 10 children now because we are all sealed together.

FAMILIES ARE FOREVER!!!

Unsung Heros

Here's an update on the procedure for the tube in my lungs that was was not draining.  I had the most amazing male nurse or PA or whatever he was.  His name was Brad.  I can't tell you what an angel he was to me.  I really think these nurses and technicians and assistants work the magic and then the doctor swoops in at the last moment for the glory.  But not Brad, he was there the whole time, caring and nurturing through the pain.  We saw him first and I love the way he eliminated all the easy things first to see what might be clogging the drain.  Finally when we realized the drain looked just fine, and was sitting in the middle of what looked like Lake Michigan (as one of the ultra sound technicians described), they decided to try sending a wire up to unclog it.  If that didn't work, the last option would be to take that drain out and insert a totally new set up which would be very painful so I was more than willing to try everything else first.

When the doctor put the wire through the old tube, the minute it hit the top of the tube the fluid started flowing freely. So it looked like might have been a mucus plug or something else that was clogging it and we couldn't see it. They drained a liter of fluid off me before it really started to hurt. As I was getting ready to be wheeled out, I started to have a lot of pain in my chest and then the pain went down my left arm and my left hand got numb.  So needless to say those weren't good signs so sweet Brad grabbed the EKG machine and hooked me up to make sure I wasn't having a heart attach.  After a few minutes the pain started to subside and you could see on the EKG that everything looked okay. 

I can't tell you the relief I immediately started to feel last night and then more today from having so much fluid taken out from the insides of my body.  Today the hospice nurse came out and drained off another liter and then she was able to get the stomach pump to work and so today was a much better day than I've had all week. Thank you all for you constant prayers, love and concern.  We are so happy that it wasn't tumors that was blocking the tube.  You know it's so weird, because I know I'm going to die and so why does any of this matter?  Well, it matters because it allows me to have as much quality of life I can while still here.

PEACE COME FROM UNDERSTANDING THE PLAN OF SALVATION
It's so cute because my grand kids are so adorable the way they are processing all of this.  Each of our kids have had a Family Home Evening with their children and have talked about the Plan of Salvation in as much details as their kids have been able to understand.  Byron and Tracy's boy Carston who is 3 came into my bedroom and we had a nice little chat.  "Grandma are you going to Heaven?"  I said, "Yes I am Carston!"  Then he looked up at me with big round eyes and said, "RIGHT NOW?"  I laughed and said, "No honey, we don't know when I will go but we are just trying to be ready."  That seemed to satisfy him and he turned and ran out.

When Dan and Kyrstin talked to their 31/2 year old son Logan about the Plan of Salvation, they explained to him that when Grandma Garvin dies, she will get to go and live with Jesus.  The rest of the night, Logan was thrilled for me because I got to be with Jesus.  Oh to have so much faith!  

Amy and Steve have been doing the same thing with their kids.  Last Monday for FHE they decided to tell their children for sure that I would probably die.  There were tears and I'm sure this has to be so hard for all of my sweet grandchildren who have been praying for Grandma's cancer to go away and now we tell them that it is not going to.  I appreciate the way each of our kids are trying to help their kids accept this.  Natalie is 9 and she's their oldest and she has been so enthralled with the concept of the Second Coming of the Savior and she has started to ask so many more detailed question about that event.  It has been a great teaching moment for them. 

Last week I went over to Amy's house to spend some one-on-one time with each of the kids while I was still feeling good.  As I walked in the house all the kids came running and hugged me.  I had an arm full of things and so I walked into the kitchen to put it down on the counter.  The next thing I knew, Ryan their 2 year old came running in and said, "Maama, DIE.  Maama DIE!"  I thought I heard what he said but Amy said they mainly talked with the 3 older girls during that FHE.  So when he kept repeating this I said, "RyRy, are you saying that Grandma is going to die?"  It was so cute because his face completely relaxed when he realized that I understood what he was saying and said, "Yeah" with immediate relief in his voice.  How adorable is that!  Never under estimate the value of teaching the gospel in your home, even if the child is only 2 years old!  When I told Amy what Ryan said to me she was amazed because she said they really never spent any time talking to him about it because they felt like he was too young to comprehend.  It actually makes me cry right now as I am writing this, because of the gifts that my children are giving me, as they take the opportunity to teach my grandchildren about the Plan of Salvation and helping them gain their own personal testimony that Families really can be Together Forever!  (This picture above is of Ryan who carries around his pocket size Book of Mormon in his back pack.  When he saw me lying on the couch, he ran and got his backpack, retrieved his scriptures and flipped them open and began pretending to read from it to bring comfort to his Maama!  Oh my goodness so precious!!!!)

Charlene and Paul came to spend one last weekend with us before their school started.  They had also had the same talk about me dying, as well as the conversations I've had with them.  When they came this time, it was as if we all knew it was really going to happen for sure.  Once again I tried to give as much comfort to the older girls as I could, because they've known me longer than the rest.  When you think of it, this has been such a GIFT to be able to have all of this time to prepare for my death.  Cooper, one of the twins is quite matter of fact and loves to take things apart and see how it works and then tries to put it back together (not always successful at the sorrow of his parents).  So as their family was getting packed to leave Cooper came in and put his hands on his hips and said, "Grandma, now exactly what day are you going to die?"  I hate to choke back a laugh because he was so sincere.  He had come to say goodbye and it was time for them to go and it hadn't happened yet, so maybe in his little mind he was wondering how much longer they needed to stay.  Oh man, I love the literal way that kids think!  I finally answered and said nothing profound, "Cooper, I really don't know when I'm going to die.  I just need to make sure that I live my life everyday so I will be ready to meet God when the time comes!" Don't we all?

"I Can Do Hard Things!"

When we started teaching our 16 year old Sunday School class, we shared a motto with them that has turned out to be more of a personal motto for me.  “I CAN DO HARD THINGS!”  My daughter framed that quote for me and it sits on my bedroom dresser to help me remember.

 

These past few weeks have definitely had their ups and downs and I've had to remind myself that I can do hard things.  It amazes me at how the Lord has blessed me with so much energy and desire to do things that really matter.   These are the things that keep me going when the other side of my life seems to be falling down all around me. However, I am noticing that I have less and less energy to do the things I normally care about.

It was 3 weeks ago today that we met with the doctor and he delivered the devastating news that my cancer was not responding to any of the chemotherapy.  Since then life has definitely had it’s ups and downs as my health slowly begins to deteriorate.  I don't want to sound negative, but remember I am a realist and want to make sure that I am aware of the signs that come along with this diagnosis.

One of the most rewarding things that has helped me to stay positive have been the emails, texts and facebook comments from many of you sharing some of your feelings for me.  I've been so comforted and moved by all of these letters that I don’t even know how to respond.  Many times after reading these kind words, I am brought to tears and feel so grateful for the wonderful associations I've had with such fine people like you throughout my life.

Somewhere I have read that there are only two things that we can take with us when we die and that is our 1)Knowledge we have gained and 2)Our Associations and relationships we have gained with others.  If that is the case, I know Heaven will be a beautiful place.  

I can’t begin to tell you how so many of you have personally touched my life and made me a better person because of knowing you.  If you have sent me a letter or text and I have not responded, please know that it is not that I haven’t wanted to, but it’s that I am starting to have less energy as time goes on.  This is one of the hardest parts, because my spirit is full of energy and wants to continue to serve, but I can see my body starting to fall apart a little at a time.

I've spent a lot of time working with the Hospice nurse and doctor who have been wonderful.  My stomach was so distended that the doctor felt that having a tube put in it would give us an alternative of releasing pressure, gas and fluid.  It sounded great in theory, but it really is not working the way I had hoped.  Today has probably been one of my worst days in regards to feeling sick and nauseated.   I tried to use the pump that Hospice sent us to drain some of the fluid off of my stomach; but it wouldn't work.  Sometimes I feel like a guinea pig trying to see if this or that will work.

This is a picture of the tube that was put in my back to help drain the fluid off my lungs.  (Close your eyes if this is too graphic for you).  It has been working great up until last Friday, when it no longer was able access the fluid.  They are not sure if it is because the pocket of fluid is dried up and if they need to try and access another pocket.  There is always the possibility of a tumor that has grown either in or around my abdomen that is causing some of the problems, but hopefully not. 

On Thursday my Hospice doctor is sending me down to the Hospital in Provo to have another drain put in my lungs and replace the one that is not working. I am having a real hard time breathing today and I think the pressure from the added fluid has also played a part in me feeling more nauseated and blotted.  I continue to be grateful for good health care and prayers from each of you.  Thank you.

Picture Me A Blessing!

The last few weeks, I've had so many blessings in my life and I've been able to capture some of them with pictures. I've decided that I’m just going to share a bunch of these blessings with pictures and explain the fun things as they happened.

Last month when I was well enough to travel to Vegas, I was able to do something I have wanted to for a long time and that was to go to the Las Vegas Temple with my oldest grandchild (Allie) and her parents and do baptisms for the dead.  We had family names that my sister Marsha has taught me how to find those who are left behind and Allie was able to be baptized for them, by her father Paul.  It was such a special experience for Charlene and I to stand in white and witness this special experience. 


It brought back 
special memories of us being in the temple every 6 months with our children.  We felt that by doing this, it helped our children be able to feel the spirit and hopefully chose to live their lives to be worthy to attend the temple.

Here we are with Cassidy and Cooper (5 year old twins) and Allie – 13 and Kara 11 – outside of the Las Vegas Temple.



We've been so blessed to have a lot of visitors from family.  Mark and Pam Garvin (Craig’s oldest brother) came and we had a wonderful visit from them.  

 
Then Craig’s Dad and his wife Kaye came for a visit too.  We took them up to Bridal Veil Falls at the mouth of the Provo Canyon and they really enjoyed that.  It’s been a long time since we had seen them, and they had never met 8 of our grand children who live here in Utah.  It was a wonderful chance for our grandchildren to finally meet their great grandfather.


Last week we had some visits from dear friends in Las Vegas.  Tim and Janet Kelly came and we reminisced the time I was Relief Society President working with Tim as the Bishop.  Janet said that she had to double or even triple the minutes on his cell phone while I was the president. (I have been told once or twice that I seem to have the gift of gab! haha)    

Here is a “selfie” of me and my dear friends, Kelly Clinton and Sheri Kurtz, who are also from Vegas.  Kelly and Hank moved to Springville the same time we moved to Utah. We are thrilled to be able to get together as much as we can.  Sheri is so good about getting together when she is in town.  What would we do without cherished friends?!

 Speaking of friends…Back in March or April my dear friend Lana Lord brought me these tiny little plant starts from her flower garden.  If you go to her yard you will be amazed at the beautiful flowers that adorn her yard.  

 One of the things I love about it is that each flower seems to have their own story and were given to her by a friend, or relative and sibling.  I loved that!  So when she offered to “share” her friendship through flowers I jumped at the chance.

These yellow flowers are called ‘black eyed susans.’  I had no idea how absolutely beautiful they would turn out!  On the right side of the brick wall by the grass are 2 other beautiful plants that Lana also gave to me. One will be a gorgeous purple and the other will be white.  Every morning I open my blinds in my living room and have to check on my “girls” and see how they are doing.  It’s been so much fun and I’ve seen a new side to me that I didn’t know existed. 

One last blessing I wanted to share were these two random pictures of my sons kissing me.  As you can see from their faces, when they were growing up it was a "chore" for them when they "had" to kiss me.  So I thought it was so funny that someone randomly took these pictures without staging them.  I know that Byron and Daniel really do love me, they just hate the "cooties" they think they get from me every time they do it!  

Maybe closing their eyes helps to lessen the reality of what they are actually doing!!! hahaha  I feel so lucky to be their mom!

More Blessings!

The other day I was at the sewing machine fixing a skirt I had made for one of Amy's little girls.  Tauna walked over and stood there for a few minutes and then said, "Mom, are my kids ever going to have anything you have made for them?"

When she said that, I thought my heart would break!  As the youngest child, she has been there and watched me sew for all the grandchildren, and now the fact that her children would never have anything made by me was a very good possibility.  

After trying to think of what I should say, I suggested that maybe we could make a baby girl and a baby boy quilt together, so when she did have a baby, they would have something sewed for them by their grandmother.

I had been really sick that week and so I really questioned if I was up to it.  Thank goodness my sweet sister-in-law Pam was in town. She is a wiz at anything to do with sewing.  The 3 of us went shopping and they brought a folding chair and pillow for me. (This was before I was on Hospice and didn't have a wheelchair yet). We would go up and down aisles looking at different material and then they would help me pick up the chair and move it to the next aisle.

We came home and I was so grateful that I had enough energy to be the mom that Tauna needed at that moment and be able to help make these quilts.  It definitely was a group project, but in the future when Tauna has a baby girl or boy, they will have something made by me!

Preserving Memories!
I have never felt more, the importance of preserving my memory for my grandchildren, than what I am feeling right now. 

So with the help of my dear friends, we folded my music and then I personally signed a copy of my book and my music I had written years ago to each of one of my grandchildren.  

I have taken a picture of each grandchild with me, so they will realize how old they were when I gave the book to them and that I wanted them to have it.  Here is my youngest granddaughter, Cadence Garvin (Byron & Tracy's little girl).

It has been so nice because each of our kids and their families take turns coming and bringing dinner for us.  This has given us a chance to have special one-on-ones with all of our grandchildren in Utah. The other day we had the Rindlisbacher Family come and bring us dinner.  

The girls love playing with my jewelry and my scarfs I wore when I was bald.  They had been playing so quietly for a while and then announced that they were going to be giving us a fashion show with Grandma's scarfs and jewelry.  Here are a few snap shots we took of them.  They are quite creative don't you think?

Here is Brooke on the left and little Miss Mya on the right.

                

Natalie was the announcer and little brother, Ryan (poor kid) got to be part of this fashion show too.  

Oh my goodness, did I happen to mention how much I adore my grandchildren!!!!!?!?!?!  Well, if you haven't got that message yet, you will after these posts.  Life would never be the same unless I was able become a grandmother.  I didn't know you could love some one as much as you do your own children, and maybe a little bit more!!! (shh, don't tell my kids that)

I have been trying to eat healthy lately and have just discovered the value of sprouts.  One day when Logan and Claire (Dan's kids) and Carston (Byron's son) were over visiting, I tried to introduce this new food to them.  Here are their reactions.
                   Claire                                                                                   Logan

 Carston

We blessed our 12th Grandchild Today!

Some of you have commented that you couldn't watch the video from yesterday's post.  It doesn't play on a phone or ipad or even from the automatic email.  You will need to click on the grey words that say "Cancer Chronicles" on the top of your email and it will take you directly to the blog and you can watch the video there.

Today was a glorious day.  Our son Byron, blessed our 12th grandchild, Cadence Garvin.  What a precious angel.  So glad I felt well enough to enjoy this special day.  I'm treating each 

day as a miracle!

I believe there are Angels among us.....

Every where I'm turning.....there are angels in my life!!!

One afternoon there was a knock on the door and a few of my little neighbors had prepared dinner for me under my tree in the front yard.  They had a little table and chair and flowers that added the final touch!

Then I was pampered by Amy's kids one Sunday.  

Each kid took an arm or a leg and put lotion on me.

I loved it and felt very spoiled!

Last week there was a loud knock at our door and we opened it to                        find this HUGE Christmas Bag filled with 

                                 the 12 days of Christmas. 

Everyday has had something to do with Christ and Christmas.  

It has been such a delight to feel the spirit of Christmas in July.  Thank you to Maegan Romero, my sweet visiting 

teaching companion and her family for helping me experience Christmas this year!

Then I had this beautiful group of "Singing Sister Angels" that came to my home and sang me hymns 

in beautiful four part harmony!  

Tears flowed as I felt the spirit of these sweet sisters

and the comforting messages from the hymns.

Here is a clip of  them singing one of my favorite Hymns,

"How Great Thou Art"