Today is my dear mother’s 88th Birthday! What an incredible lady Pearl Tenney Romney is. I want to pay tribute to her and let her know that she has been one of the greatest influences in my life! She has been the wind beneath my wing for so many years. I’m so grateful to have had such great parents who taught me by example as well as precept, the importance of service and having a testimony of Jesus Christ. Thank you Mom and Dad. I love you both!Yesterday marked me completing 9 weeks of chemo - that's half way. In total, I have 18 treatments and I am now looking on the downside of things - only 9 weeks left. So that is encouraging! These last 2 weeks I had my chemo a day earlier each week in order to get us back on schedule to Wednesdays. Surprisingly enough it has not been as bad as I thought. The first week of every 3 is the worst and it takes about 2 weeks to start feeling better. Then I have a few days that third week when I feel half way good and then it’s time to start another 3 week cycle.
Last week I asked the nurse that if my CA-125 continued dropping to the normal range (0-35) would that mean that I was “cancer free”? She said, “Not exactly. You could say you were in remission at that point. But because of the nature of the beast of Ovarian Cancer, you never know when it will raise its ugly head again.” I shouldn’t have been surprised to hear this, because right when I was diagnosed, Dr. Wallentine told me that I would be fighting this cancer for the rest of my life. But I guess seeing my numbers come down with the CA-125 made me get excited and hope for a total cure. This is something that I am going to have to live with or die with, it's totally up to the Lord's timetable. I've just got to make sure I'm doing all I can in my power to keep me here as long as the Lord is willing.
These last two weeks I have had some lonely times and I could feel myself starting to get depressed. It’s hard with a personality like mine who never "stops", to now be one that hardly gets to “go” anymore. I have realized that I have to allow myself time to be sick and then when I start to feel a little better, that’s when I need to push myself or else I will get depressed. This last week I drug myself to Walmart. I knew if I could get to one of those motorized carts, I would be able to have some freedom. I totally enjoyed myself driving around like a little granny. A worker helped me out to the car with my groceries and when I got home, I had enough energy to put the groceries away and even cut up some of the vegetables I bought. I’ve noticed something very interesting about myself. When I am around people or pushing myself to try and do something, I must release endorphins or something because I start feeling much better than I would have if I had stayed in bed. The balance for me is learning to know when to push and when to let myself rest.
In the book "Digging Deeper" by Robert Eaton, he uses an Illustration to graphically depict this phenomenon. Afflictions inevitably fly through our lives like a wedge. Adversity lifts some of us closer to God, even as it pushes others down and drives them further from God. I've been reading about Adversity, because it seems like I am surrounded by it. Elder Dallin H. Oaks notes, the issue is not whether we will have adversity in our lives but what role we will let adversity play: “Adversity will be a constant or occasional companion for each of us throughout our lives. We cannot avoid it. The only question is how we will react to it. Will our adversities be stumbling blocks or stepping-stones?”
When I saw this diagram, it made me stop and think how I am doing in regards to my attitude and my trials. Which direction has the wedge of Affliction sent me? I am hoping it is turning me upward to God. I am learning that our trials will sanctify us if we can somehow remain patient, trusting not only in the power but also in the timing of a loving Heavenly Father. "Although they may grouse from time to time about its ferocity, softened saints will ultimately thank God for the wind of affliction that goes forth out of His mouth because they recognize such wind propels them to their personal lands of promise."
No comments:
Post a Comment