We made it through "our" first chemotheraphy experience!

Today was another long day, but we (Craig and I, because he has been there every step with me) finally made it through our first chemotherapy experience! I think the anticipation was greater than the realization. Here is a picture of the port they put in under my skin so I won't have to get poked everytime. I seem to have handled the drugs that where given me and I didn't even throw up. I actually am feeling pretty good right now, but I'm sure this is the honeymoon period. They say that one of my drugs is a slow acting one and so I will get sick with it on day 2 or 3. So that is a pain to have that hanging over my head. But the unknown has been killing us and we just needed to proceed with this.

We met with Dr. Wallentine this morning before starting Chemo. We asked him all the questions I had wanted to and did not understand. No this is not new cancer, this is ADVANCED OVARIAN CANCER. When it has gone into the blood with cancer cells, it is now STAGE 4 Cancer. This is not good news at all. But I didn't cry this time. I am finally beginning to understand this. I guess you could say that knowledge is power. My husband asked him what my prognosis was and he said that it was hard to tell with ovarian cancer. He said it was not days, or months, but years! That could be 2 years or 20 years. Craig says I have to live at least another 16 years to be there for our 50th Anniversary. I guess I am still in shock over this and a little numb. Nothing has changed, but my understanding and perception of it has. I always wondered what it would feel like to have my mortality limited (or my days/years numbered). Now I know that I must learn how to find joy in THIS journey!!!  That will be my new goal. :-)  Maybe I can make a difference to those who are going through chemotherapy  and maybe they can teach me the things I haven't learned yet.

There is a beautiful song that Hilary Weeks wrote called, "If I only Had Today." (click below to listen).  I cried when I listened to it. It's sad that the only way some of us can stop and slow down is when a trial comes our way. I hope I can learn from this experience and create some precious lasting memories. Some of her lyrics really hit me: "...but if there were no tomorrows and I knew that I could not stay, I know how I would spend every minute, if I only had today. I'd  hold you and listen, and I'd let the dishes sit in the sink. I'd tell you I loved you over and over, and for once I would let the telephone ring. Then I'll remind you of forever and how our love would never change, If I only today. I'd wake up before the sun did and I'd watch as you quielty sleep. I'd pray for time to move slowly, knowing the moment won't keep. All the gifts that heaven has given, every blessing that has come my way, wouldn't mean anything without you, so if I only had today....I'd hold you and listen, I'd memorize every detail of your face, I'd tell you I loved you over and over, wouldn't let excuses get in the way. Then I'd remind you of forever, and how our love would never change...because I have today!" I think each of us, no matter our situation in life could take some counsel from these wise words. How grateful we each should be to have our families for eternity. At this Thanksgiving season, maybe we can take a few more minutes during the week, to pause and reflect on the wonderful things the Lord has blessed us with. We are all RICH because of the things God has given us and that especially includes our spouses and families!  (Below is the words and song, written by Hilary Weeks.  Click on the arrow or highlighted words below to listen.)

If I Only Had Today