THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS DEATH BED REPENTANCE!!!!

I have a new testimony of not procrastinating your day of repentance.  There really is no such thing as death bed repentance!  As I have become sicker and sicker, I have had a new appreciation for why we are taught to live a good, clean life all along the way.  I realize at this point now, that I am what I am!  (Like you are what you eat).  In other words, there's no trying to fool myself or my God anymore of who I have become.  What you see is what you get, and I'm very thankful for the good life I have tried to live!

Could I have been a better wife, or mother or daughter?  Of course I could have!  But I also know that I've tried my hardest to become a Christlike person, yet still falling short.  But with the help of the Savior, I've become what I've become and surprising to say at this stage in my life,  I actually like who I am and what I've become!  I'm no one great, just a "true and faithful" follower of Jesus Christ.  This peace I am feeling is a 'payday' I never saw coming.

It's been so sweet to see how people are so willing to try to make my life better right now.  We've had a house in Hawaii offered to us, a trip to Nauvoo and San Francisco and a Cruise with all of our 5 kids and their spouses.  These are all dreams that I would have loved to do, but it is too late for me.  I have no energy and my stamina to do these once desired trips is now gone.  So what's the lesson?  Live your life to the fullest while you can!  No don't go out and spend a bunch of money to make sure you get all of these trips under your belt before you get a terminal illness, but really take time to reflect on what you will regret when you are preparing to leave this life, had you NOT taken time to do it.

My mind reflects back to the many treasured trips we took to the Las Vegas Temple with our teenagers to do baptisms for deceased family members.  As we stood in the beautiful baptismal  font area with no one there but our little family and the officiators, I would take those long ago memories over any trip we could have purchased together.  Our family goal was to be in the temple every 6 months with our teenagers.  We have no pictures of those sacred events (inside the temple) but there are so many vivid pictures taken with our hearts, that will be held with such sacred memories as I depart this life.

Don't get me wrong, we've had some great trips we have taken with our family, and there is nothing wrong with that.  But with this new perspective, I'm realizing the importance of what really mattered most.  I have never forgotten what I felt when I heard the following statement, "Be careful in life as you try to spend your time and energy making sure your children had what you DIDN'T have, that you make sure you have the energy to give them what you DID have!" 

The most important things in life are not THINGS!  Think back and reflect on what you DID have that made a difference in your life.  I think you will be surprised that there is no price tag that you can put on it's value NOW! I look into the faces of these sweet innocent faces, and feel so privileged that Craig and I were entrusted to teach them what they needed to know to return to their Father in Heaven.

However it wasn't all peaches and cream!  My mind goes back to the painful family prayers and family scripture study we tried to have.  Then there were the spiritual discussions we tried to have, the eye rolling and the apparent disdain for what we were putting our children through.  How many Family Home Evenings were there where we felt like nothing touched them and everything rolled off their backs like water off a duck's back?  And yet...given the chance to go back and do it over again, these are the things we would never change!  

Many times as we struggled through teaching our children, I remember wondering if they would really ever learn anything!  I think at their young ages, that the pattern of consistent obedience to reading the scriptures, and following the prophet was more important than any 'ah ha' moments they may or may not have had at that time.  What we as parents were doing was not harvesting, but toiling (preparing the soil of our children's hearts and minds) and planting (planting seeds of testimony) through daily love and obedience.  And as we helped our children become that way, we were the bi-product of it's benefits.  It also changed us!  What better and more peaceful feelings could one have to meet their maker than this!

Do I want to die?  No!  I still feel I have so much more to give!  My heart breaks as I think of being separated from my precious family, but there comes a time in your life that you have to accept the Will of The Lord and I am trying to do just that.  Some one asked me to sum up in a few words how I feel as I approach my near death.  I thought about it for awhile and these are the words that came to my mind.  "I can Sleep When the Wind Blows!"  Here's the story that from one of my BYU Professors shared with me many years ago, that explains what those words mean!

"I Can Sleep When the Wind Blows"  by Reed H. Bradford

       Some years ago Pres. J. Reuben Clark told the following story:  It was at the annual county fair, and farmers from far and near had come to exhibit their harvest and to engage hired hands for the next year.  One prosperous farmer came across a husky lad and asked:  "What can you do?"  The answer:  "I can sleep when the wind blows."

        With such an answer the farmer turned and started to walk away, perturbed at the impudence of the man.  But he turned again and asked:  What did you say?"  "I can sleep when the wind blows."

        "Well," said the farmer, "I don't know what that means, but I'm going to hire you anyway."

        Winter came, followed by the usual spring, and the new hired hand didn't show any particular signs of extra work, but filled the duties of his calling as most others would have done.

        And then one night in early summer the farmer noticed a strong wind rising.  He dashed to the hired hand's quarters to arouse him to see that all the stock was properly cared for.  There he found the hired hand asleep.  He was about to awaken him, when he remembered the boy's strange statement.

        He went to his barns and there found all his animals in their places, and the doors and windows securely locked.  He found the haystack had been crisscrossed with heavy wires, anticipating such a night, and that it would weather the storm.

        Then the farmer knew what his hired man meant when he gave as his only qualification, "I can sleep when the wind blows."

None of us are perfect, but we can each try to perfectly do what the prophets and scriptures counsel us to do.  I guess that is the feeling I am feeling right now.  There is always more I could have done and would still like to do, but because I have tried to be obedient and follow the teachings of my parents and the prophets, I feel secure in the knowledge that I can sleep while the wind blows!