"Stories on the Sabbath"

                                            I Am Not Ashamed!

I was paralyzed with fear when my name was announced as the next performer.  The restaurant became quiet and all eyes were on me.  The air was thick with apprehension.  I could feel the silent gazes from the crowd and I was pretty sure that they could feel my reluctance.

My mind whirled back to the important decision I had made to serve a mission just a few months earlier.  It seemed once that decision was made, I was bombarded with numerous trials.  One of those trials included being rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery. 

While I was recovering at home, my dear friend, Kenn Crawford came over to see me.  Taking one look at me and my hair he said, "Boy, do you need a change of pace!  I'm taking you out tonight.  How does dinner sound?  I know I'll enjoy it and it will be good for you too."

"Have you seen how I look?"  I asked puzzled.

"You have exactly 20 minutes before we leave," he said with a challenge in his voice, "so I suggest you get started."

I hesitated for only a moment because I also felt I needed to get out.  It had been a couple of weeks since my surgery and I hadn't been anywhere.  I dressed as quickly as I could, considering  the surgical dressing that was wrapped around my entire waist.  It was quite awkward to move around in, let alone sit for an extended period of time.  However, for some reason I felt that the Lord had sent Kenn to help me get over the post-operative blues I had been feeling.

           I was finally dressed and we went to "Granny Annie's", a restaurant in which an old-fashioned theme was the focus of the ambiance.  Every hour on the hour, the waiters and waitresses would gather 'round the grand piano inside a beautiful white Gazebo.  There they would sing old-fashioned songs synonymous with the theme of the restaurant.

I loved being there.  I was not only enjoying being out of bed, but I also loved the music.  Playing the piano was my favorite past time and it brought me such joy to hear others play too.  However, my relaxation was short-lived.  Without my knowledge Kenn had arranged with the management for me to play that beautiful grand piano.

I was both surprised and embarrassed when my name was called to serenade the entire restaurant.  I had no music.   Nothing like being called blatantly on the spot!  If I got up to play, it would have to be totally impromptu.  I was shocked and completely taken off guard.  The whole entire restaurant began clapping in unison for ME, a simple guest, to go inside the gazebo and play the piano.  My face was flushed and I was scared and felt extreme pressure to play.  I could barely move because of the fear and embarrassment, let alone the fact that I was still recovering from my operation.  I couldn't believe that Kenn would pull such a stunt knowing that I still wasn't up to par.  My heart began to palpitate with that same scared feeling I get when I bear my testimony.

Reluctantly, after they introduced me over the sound system for the second time, I finally got up.  I flashed Kenn a look that said, "You're in trouble now buddy," and I walked over to the piano.  As I sat down I thought to myself,  “What should I play?”

The restaurant became quiet and all eyes were on me.  I could almost hear the crowd wondering, “Will she blow it?”  They couldn't help but notice that I didn't have any music.  I had a few secular pieces memorized and so I began playing what I felt was suitable for a public setting.  My fingers limbered up as I continued playing.  I finished the first song and advanced to a second number as some of the fear left and I began to feel more comfortable.

Unbeknownst to me, Kenn had followed me up to the gazebo where I was playing.  He leaned over and whispered in my ear, "I dare you to play my favorite songs!"

"You don't play songs like that in a place like this," I whispered back somewhat disgusted.

"Why not?"  He asked.  "I don't see anything wrong with them, do you?"

"No," I answered somewhat chagrin.  "It's just not acceptable in a place like this."

"Why isn't it acceptable?  You're ashamed aren't you?"

"I am not!"  I said half insulted, half afraid.

"Play them then," Kenn hammered me again.

"No!" I said with a scowl on my face.  "You don't cast your pearls before swine."

"Play them", Kenn badgered.

I looked around hoping that no one could hear our exchange.  "Please go back to your seat and leave me alone," I whispered and then with more force I said, "I'm not playing, "We Thank Thee Oh God for a Prophet and I Am a Child of God," in public.  They're church songs and they're not acceptable in a place like this!"

"You're chicken and you're ashamed of the gospel of Christ!" he said relentlessly.

I sat there trying to concentrate on playing the several pieces I had memorized while Kenn kept heckling me.  Finally I turned to him and said, "Get out of here now!  I'm not playing those songs."

            I was relieved when Kenn stood up and left.  However, his words haunted me.  I began thinking that I really was afraid to play those songs in a place like this.  After I finished a medley of secular songs, my fingers took over.  They began playing familiar strains of "We Thank Thee Oh God for a Prophet." 

I heard several loud gasps in the restaurant.  As I looked up, I saw a few surprised faces out there.  I could tell who the LDS people were in the restaurant that night.  The majority of the restaurant was eating normally, but a few select LDS people were openly shocked to the point of making a loud gasp!

I played it with feeling.  A peace came over me and I played it in several octaves, just letting the creative process flow from my fingers.  As I played, I was proud to be a Mormon and proud to share the gospel through music in a public setting!

My courage was now stronger than before.  After finishing the first hymn, I thought to myself, “why not?”           

With a delicate introduction, my fingers began playing, "I am a Child of God".  This time I heard a few more surprised people.  One man even dropped his fork.  I'm sure the LDS people there were just as surprised hearing these songs in a public place as I was playing them.              I looked over at Kenn and he had the most satisfied, proud look on his face.  He was just beaming and thrilled that I had accepted his challenge to play church songs in public.

As I played the last note of "I am a Child of God", the last of my repertoire of songs for the evening, I heard the still small voice whisper to my soul.  It wasn't a physical voice I heard, but the words came with distinct clarity to my mind as if someone were verbally speaking them.  The words that filled my mind and soul that night were, “Yes my daughter, that is acceptable unto me.”

My eyes became misty and I felt that burning sensation from the Holy Ghost.  It was as if a surge of electricity had penetrated my whole body.  I was familiar with that feeling and knew it was the Holy Ghost bearing witness of the divine truths of what I had shared that night through my music.

The audience clapped in unison.  The clapping got louder and louder as I returned to my seat as tears gathered in my eyes.  I left the restaurant that night with renewed faith that our Heavenly Father is aware of our circumstances.  I also realized that the Spirit of the Holy Ghost will be our constant guide and companion to cast away the fear we may have in awkward circumstances.

The time arrived for me to go on my mission.   I left with the knowledge that I was not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, no matter where I was, no matter what the circumstances were.  I promised the Lord that I would not hide my light under a bushel, but covenanted to serve Him by putting it on a candlestick and giving music unto all that would hear.  What greater way could I serve the Lord than to use the talents He had given me for the upbuilding of the kingdom of God.         Because of the experience I had that day at Granny Annie's Restaurant in Tempe, Arizona in 1978, I wrote the following song.  The words are inspired from the scripture found in Romans 1:16.  It is one of many songs that the Spirit has promoted me to write.

For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ,

For it is the Power of God”I'll go tell the world it is true,

I'll serve with all my heart, might, mind and strength.

For when I have a chance to declare it,

I will testify of the Christ.

I learned some valuable lessons that night.  I learned that I was proud of the gospel of Jesus Christ and that it felt good to stand alone, to overcome the fear, to bring forth that light and commit to better serve the Lord as one of His servants.

                                              --Linda Kay Leavitt Hartmann

                                 Composer and lyrists of many songs and albums                    

                                          http://illfindyoumyfriend.com/about.php