You’ve come a long way baby!

I had my three month CT Scan this week and everything looks good. They do not use the term “remission” for ovarian cancer. What they do use is N.E.D. – No Evidence of Disease. So for now I have NED – which is good. My CA-125 blood test was 19 which is great too. Every 3 weeks I get the CA-125 blood test along with the Avastin. And every 3 months for the next 2 years I will have a CT Scan to monitor things.

These last couple weeks I have been blessed with a lot of energy and health. I’m so grateful for that. I still struggle with neuropathy in my feet that is such a nuisance! My feet hurt when I sit, stand or walk….so basically the only time they don’t bother me is when I’m asleep. So I might as well keep busy, because most of the time it keeps my mind off my pain.

I was able to go visit my mother in Arizona last week and enjoyed her so much. She is an amazing woman at any age, but here she is 88 and going strong. I helped her dejunk her room again (she was born in the depression area and continues to have the need to collect things). I didn’t know if I would feel up to doing what I have done in the past, but the Lord blessed me.  Here are some pictures of me and my mom. She planted this garden and it is growing like crazy.
While I was there in Arizona, I decided to declare my independence on my wig, scarf and hat. My hair is starting to grow back a little (it is coming in grey – much to my sadness). My mom was so sweet to let me take a “look alike” picture with her.  She has worn a wig since I was 4 years old.
Here I am wearing one of mom’s wigs.  She wanted me to wear it to her church, but I couldn’t bring myself to wearing it!  Don’t we look like twins?
 
It’s interesting looking back and seeing the progression that I’ve made. This will sound really shallow, but the hardest part of this cancer thing (besides having a terminal disease and the pain that goes with that) was losing my hair. I haven’t been ready to share this video until now. This is when we shaved my head – it was so traumatic to me that I even shed some tears. Tauna put it on youtube to send to me and I thought I was the only one who had seen it. Imagine how shocked I was when I saw that over 1,000 strangers had watched me losing my hair! So much for privacy:-(
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ft1tSZOFQ80

I guess I never really appreciated having a full head of dark hair that I could comb or not comb if I didn’t want to. Before I felt comfortable enough to go out in public with or without make and not worry how I looked. Now, not having hair has made me feel so “vain”. I never thought I had a self-image problem until now. Because I had no hair, and then lost my eyebrows and eyelashes, I felt like I hardly had a face. So I HAD to put on makeup – even if I didn’t feel like it. It was months before I was comfortable enough for anyone to see me in a scarf. Then I slowly progressed to people seeing me with a hat and then finally when I debuted my bald head to my neighborhood who came and cleaned our back yard, it started getting a little easier. 

Last Saturday Tauna said to me, “Mom, if you will “own” your new hairstyle, everyone else will accept it too.”  She told me that the scarf and hat said “cancer” to people, much more than just having a really short buzz!  She was right.  After the shower I went to Walmart and I didn’t have hardly any looks, compared to when I wore a scarf.  Hmm.  Interesting.  Here’s a picture of me with Tauna the first time I publically went out with my new “buzz” cut.