What do you do when you get inspiration that you don't want?

Yesterday we went to the temple and were asked to be the witness couple again.  I love doing that because it keeps me awake!  J  I was having a hard time keeping my mind focused on the session because of the things in my life that were making me feel overwhelmed.  One of the times we were getting up from kneeling at the altar, a thought came instantly into my mind, like someone threw me a ball and I was not prepared to catch it.  The thought said, “You should not teach Seminary this year!”  What?  No way, I have always wanted to teach Seminary in Utah.  I quickly pushed that thought aside and went on with the session.

These last few months I have been blessed with inspiration to write my life history, write a book on prayer and read the Book of Mormon in 70 days and create a daily blog to go along with it.  While all of these things are good, I have begun to be in turmoil, feeling like my plate is getting too full, yet not knowing what to do.  I fasted the previous Sunday asking the Lord to help me know how to balance all of the things that were coming to my life. 

Later that night, the experience I had just had in the temple telling me NOT to teach Seminary came back to me.  I pushed it away again.  Then I started getting this sick feeling inside.  "Michele, do you realize what you are doing?  You are picking and choosing the inspiration you WANT to receive and ignoring the ones you DON’T WANT.  It doesn’t work like that!"

My mind went back to last year, when we had made a list of questions we had and were going to try and receive answers during General Conference that weekend.  That week when we went to the temple, we decided to specifically choose one of the questions to ask the Lord.  We chose to ask him if we should sell our house in Vegas.  During that a certain part of the session that day a few words jumped out at me and I immediately felt impressed that I should teach Seminary.  This was one of the questions on our list to ask the Lord, but not the specific one we had chosen that day.  But, I knew I felt the impression that I was supposed to teach and I did not deny it.  Yesterday my experience at the temple telling me NOT to teach Seminary was the exact same way I had received the inspiration last year to TEACH Seminary. 

As I knelt down and began my personal prayers, this question was at the front of my thoughts.  “Why?  Why can’t I teach seminary this year?  I really want to!” My mind remembered what I went through last year and all of the hassle of getting hired, and getting my ecclesiastical endorsements and then I got cancer.  I prayed so hard that I would get to teach at least ONE time before I went into surgery and the Lord granted me that incredible blessing.  So now I am finally well, I am on my way to teaching again!  I’ve already gone to the Regional Seminary office and turned in some of my paper work.   Why not now????  I love to teach!!!!!

I have had the forms to get my yearly ecclesiastical interviews with the bishop and stake president again.  I was anxious to get them but for some reason, every time I have seen them lying on my desk, I just push them aside and don’t make the call for the appointment.  But I hadn’t interpreted that as a sign to not teach.  As I prayed I realized that yes, the thought that came to me in the temple was indeed inspiration and if I wanted to continue receiving inspiration in my life, I needed to obey its promptings, not just when I liked what the inspiration said to do, but ESPECIALLY if I didn’t agree with it, to show my trust in the Lord. 

BUT I’M A TEACHER….Let me share one final thought that came to me during my prayer that gave me courage to follow this through.  Several days ago I clicked on a Youtube video that was interviewing Gerald Lund, the author.  They asked him what got him started into writing, etc.  His final thought is what resonated and came back to me as another answer to my prayer.  “I love to teach, and writing is another way of teaching that reaches a far greater audience.”  This was my second witness that NOT teaching Seminary is the right thing for me to do right now.