Still on a high!!

Wow - last night and today have been totally so different from my first chemo experience!  I think I now know how it feels to be "high" on drugs.  I think the steroid they gave me has kept giving all night and all day today.  I stayed up helping my mom and sister on computer projects until 1:30 a.m.  At first I thought it would great to always be on drugs like this.  Then I decided that since I don't have an off button,  I would probably end up killing myself!

I got up early this morning (feeling a little queezy and foggy headed) but not as bad as I thought.  I had to go down to Provo to get a shot today to keep my white blood cells count up.  So I headed off to the OBGYN first so I could be at the ultra sound of Grand Child #12.  And we found out that Byron and Tracy are having a................

                                           G I R L!!!!
                            (Let the PINK begin!)

In June we will have 8 grand daughters and 4 grandsons!

Did I ever tell you that being a Grandma

makes life worth living!?!?!?!

Round 2 - Feeling like I'm on a merry-go-round.

Well, second verse, same as the first! I just had the first infusion of my 2nd round of chemotherapy. and so far, I'm feeling pretty good.  I know this is the honeymoon period.  They gave me some anti-nausea medicine along with a steroid first, then they gave me the chemo drug Carboplatin.  Nothing like having poison going through your veins!  But the good thing is that it doesn't hurt when it goes in.  I guess you could say it is a "slow acting" poison.  Probably by Friday I will be feeling the full effects of everything.  So in a way, I do want to feel sick if it means that it is killing the cancer!

I'm trying to have a positive attitude and hope for the best.  However, I'm pretty sure it's going to be kind of like childbirth.  You remember that it was a painful experience getting the baby out, but time seems to dull the memory.  Not until you are back in full labor do you remember, "Oh yeah, I forgot how HORRIBLE this is!"

I just found out that I will have to go back to the the Central Utah Clinic in Provo the day after each infusion, (every 3 weeks) to have a shot to make sure that my white blood cell count stays high.  What a pain!  I sure wish they would just give it to me at the time of the chemo infusion, but they say the insurance company won't cover it on the same day.  UGH!  At least I don't have to drive all the way up to Huntsman Cancer Clinic in Salt Lake.  

Thanks again for all of your prayers in my behalf!  It helps to make this burden seem just a little bit lighter.

“Pain is inevitable….Misery Is Optional!”

Today I had my first PET Scan.  For some reason when they found out it will be my birthday in a couple of days, they gave me this darling candy bouquet with 2 tickets to the movie!  (Here's a terrible picture of me in my snazzy hospital gown, but I just LOVED this early birthday surprise and wanted to share this picture anyway!)  

I’m reading a book called, “Pain is inevitable….Misery Is Optional,” by Hyrum W. Smith.  So now is my chance to put this saying to the test.   After I had my PET scan today, I met with my doctor two hours later and he reviewed the results with me.  The news is not what I wanted to hear, but it is what it is!

 

The cancer has returned to various spots throughout my abdomen.  It is present in my peritoneal space, my omentum, along the small bowel walls in the mid and lower abdomen.  It is also throughout what they call the, “cul-de-sac of Douglas” – which is the area where my pelvis, uterus and ovaries used to be.  When I read the written report it looks and sound like Greek!  “There is a subtle hypo-dense right hepatic posterior segment lesion adjacent to the gallbladder foss…”  it also said something about a spots being on or near my liver, but I can’t find it in the report right now.

“There is a pleural-based subtle soft tissue density with hypermetabolic activity along the posterior left pleura,”  which basically means that there is a moderate amount of fluid in my left lung with cancer cells in it, and a mild amount of fluid in my right lung. 

The bottom line is that my cancer has pretty much returned!  Craig and I talked to the doctor about possible surgery, but he said that I wasn't a candidate anymore because it was in so many different places. So our current plan is that I will start chemotherapy next Wednesday, January 29th.  The Doctor said I could start today, but I told him that my birthday was Sunday and I wanted to have at least one last enjoyable one!  

I will be receiving the drug called Carboplatin, through my port every 3 weeks.  I had it the first time I was treated along with Taxol and Avastin.  Since we know that the Avastin has stopped working, we won’t be using that right now.  We also are trying to avoid the Taxol or Taxotere drug family because that is what caused me to develop irreversible neuropathy in my feet.

This drug will cause me to lose my hair again, and my taste buds and I will experience nausea and constipation. (Oh goodie, all of my favorite side-effects from before!) The Doctor said that he couldn't guarantee if I would have chemo 6 times or not.  It might be shorter if my numbers come down quickly, or it could be longer or indefinitely if they don’t. There are two things that are going to help make this experience easier to handle.  One is that I will not be recuperating from a radical surgery and the other is that I will only have chemo every three weeks, instead of every week like I did before.  I’m just trying to look for the silver lining in this cloud.

Today Craig and I had a very good talk with my doctor about alternative methods.  Frankly I just don’t believe that any of them are my answer.  We feel that this is the right path for me to take at this time. Lately we have been inundated with all sorts of “alternative” approaches to the treatment of cancer from well meaning friends and family. At this point we don’t feel like they are the answer and we have determined that this is the path that we want to take. If you have an “alternative” approach, we appreciate the fact that you want to share it with us but at this time we would appreciate it if you don’t. What we really need is your prayers and your support with the treatment that we have chosen to do.  I am also supplementing the chemotherapy with natural herbal products and trying to eat whole foods. This has been helpful and we hope that it will be enough to drive the cancer away for at least a little while.

One thing that I do know and is that my Heavenly Father loves me and so do so many of you!  Thank you for your love and support and prayers.  I am a survivor!  I may have a hard road ahead of me, but I’m not giving up! 

I was reading a book where it talked about three basic types of people who were found in prison war camps.  The three were types:

    1.   Pessimists; 2.  Optimists; and 3. the Realists

The thing that was so interesting to me was that only one of these groups survived in the camps in Vietnam.  The others never made it home.  Which group do you think survived?

It was the Realist!

Many said the Optimists, but that is not the correct answer.  We know why the Pessimists didn't survive, because they experienced the pain of the whole thing, saw the circumstances they had to face, and chose misery.  They gave up the ghost –figuratively and literally.

But the second group was a surprise.  Why did the optimists die?  Haven’t we all been taught about PMA (Positive Mental Attitude).  The optimists died because they had all this faith and positive outlook but were not willing to look at the brutal facts of their situation.  Many would say, “You know we’ll be out of here by Christmas” or “they will rescue us by Valentine’s Day.”  Every rustle in the brush was the Marines coming to save them.  And then when it wasn't the Marines and they weren't rescued by Christmas or even Valentine’s Day, they gave up and died.  Over time, their spirit could not endure the constant rejection.  They too ended up choosing misery and gave up.

The REALISTS were the only ones to SURVIVE!  Why?  They saw the brutal facts.  They knew that pain was inevitable.  They probably said things like, “We’re in the middle of Southeast Asia and we’re not going to be rescued for a long time.  But you know what, guys?  We’ll stick together.  We can handle this.”  They knew they had choices and options about how to deal with the pain they must endure.  And not only did they deal with the pain, but many of them lived to return home.

So you know what guys……I’m a REALIST!  I've got stage IV Cancer and it just came back and I have to start chemo therapy again and lose my hair and be sick all over again….but do you know what?  I’m going to survive; at least for right now.  I’m going to live my life to the fullest and try to be ready to meet my Savior whether it is in 9 months, 2 years or 10 years. 

So thank you for letting me talk so frankly to you about what is happening to me.  I don’t want to die having anything left anything unsaid.  My poor children have to listen to me periodically talk about death and what I want to happen when I die.  But then after I say what I want to say, I press on with my life and try and squeeze every living breath and moment of happiness out of it that I can!!!!  

Love to you all,

Michele                                                            

Keeping it REAL!!!!!

True and Faithful

A new year….a new challenge! 

It’s been almost two months since I last posted about my health.  I've had one of the most incredible holiday seasons!  The greatest gift I received this year was the gift of health, energy, desire and the ability to serve. I've been so blessed. It felt like old times as I cooked, cleaned and sewed, all the while feeling the anticipation of Thanksgiving and Christmas and being surrounded by family and dear friends.

I started taking the drug Tamoxifen in November and have had no negative side effects.  I am taking this for a dual purpose to help combat any possible breast cancer and hopefully keep the ovarian cancer at bay.  Yesterday was my doctor’s appointment to see how my CA-125 numbers were doing. (Normal is 0-35)  Last time my numbers had gone up gone up to 148.2.

Yesterday I met with my oncologist, Dr. Wallentine and found out that my CA-125 had gone up to 443.6.  The numbers had jumped almost 300 from my previous test – unbelievable!  It continues to surprise me the way I react when given more bad news.  I felt completely calm and was able to discuss openly with the doctor what my next options were.  It wasn't until a little later that the tears came.

I am scheduled for a PET scan – on Monday, January 20^th.  This scan should hopefully show where the cancer is returning. Usually once a person is diagnosed with advanced stages of Ovarian Cancer, they usually have only one debulking surgery (which I've already had) followed by various rounds of chemotherapy.  But because I am young and have responded so well, the doctor said there is a possibility I could be a candidate for future surgery, and then following up with chemo.  However, the doctor said the PET scan didn't show where the cancer was on one of his patients.  If this happens to me, then we would just have to wait for future symptoms.  This is not good, because I have a very high tolerance of pain and I am afraid I would wait too long before recognizing it.  However, it's not good to find a bunch of cancer on the PET scan either!

We left the doctor’s office in Provo and headed up to the Provo Temple.  That is what I always like to do.  Today was no different.  I made a few comments to Craig as we walked to our car, but I didn't want to dwell on anything.  I changed the subject and felt like I was handling things fine.  It  wasn't until I sat down in the chapel and heard the music, “More Holiness Give me,” playing when the emotions began to surface.

More holiness give me,
More patience in suff'ring,
More faith in my Savior,
More purpose in prayer.


As I listened to the music and thought of the words, I couldn't hold back the tears.

More purity give me,
More strength to o’ercome

Tears were running down my cheeks as we walked up the long staircase leading to the endowment room.  I couldn't help but think of the faith and prayers of so many people in my behalf.  During this last month I received a blessing at the hands of my husband, with all of my sons and son-in-laws standing in the circle.  My ward held a special fast for me and I know many prayers were offered. My name has been put on the prayer rolls of many temples and my husband and I continue to pray daily for a miracle of healing.  But in the end, we know that it is in the Lord’s hands.  That’s easy to say, but harder to accept.

More gratitude give me,
More trust in the Lord,

As I sat waiting for the session to begin, I began to feel such gratitude.  Gratitude for my health and strength and energy, in spite of my numbers sky rocketing!  Oh what a blessing it has been to feel good enough to serve again.  I've felt ALIVE!!!!

It wasn't long before the session began and the beautiful music started playing.  Once again the tears came.  This time it was dark and so I gave in to my feelings and had a real good, ugly face, silent cry. 

More blessed and holy--
More Savior, like thee.

Yes, I do want to be more like the Savior…but how? If I were to die next week, what would I do differently?  I've been asking myself that for several weeks since we taught our SS class on the Second Coming to our 16 year olds.  I have come to realize that I would keep on doing exactly what I am doing, except make my scripture study much more meaningful and I would try to not get so distracted by things.

During one of our SS classes one of the students asked where the line was that told us what we needed to do to be able to be worthy of seeing the Savior at his second coming.  I told them that I have been pondering that over and over. 

TRUE AND FAITHFUL – My Motto for 2014     

Yesterday morning I was listening to “The Life and Ministry of Joseph Fielding Smith”, and I was intrigued with THREE WORDS that he always used.

President Joseph Fielding Smith “used three great words that I can never forget,” recalled President Gordon B. Hinckley. Those words were “true and faithful.” President Hinckley said, “In his public addresses, in his private conversation, in his prayers to the Lord, he pleaded that we might be true and faithful.” President Thomas S. Monson shared a similar memory: “Even in his advanced years, [he] always prayed, ‘May we be true and faithful to the end.”  Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Joseph Fielding Smith, (2013), 1–34

Once my tears had dried, I sat pondering throughout the rest of the session.  During one of the parts, I sat up with a start when I heard these new familiar words, “True and Faithful”.  A few minutes went by and those exact 3 words were once again repeated.  Wow – I had never really focused on them before.  How cool is that?

These 3 words describe what each of us needs to do to be worthy when the Savior comes again.  This is my new motto!

*After writing this post - I just opened the January Ensign for the first time and saw an article entitled, "True and Faithful!"  So cool!

Christmas Morning Tradition!

Romney Christmas Morning Tradition!!!

When I was a little girl, every Christmas morning we would sing a special song that my Grandma Romney introduced to our family. We all lined up with the youngest first (which always meant me - since I'm the baby). Then we would walk into the living room singing this special song and see the presents that Santa had left for each of us.

Years have gone by since I was the first in that line. Now I am second to the last!!!! Here is Craig and my family now, with our little grand kids starting out the line! Thanks to our wonderful sons and daughters in law who continue to help pass this tradition on for many more generations!

Wishing a Merry, Merry, Merry, Merry, Merry, Merry, Merry, Merry, Merry, Merry Christmas to you all!

 Love, The Garvins!

Because I have been given much...

         "I too must give!"

Our Sunday School class had an absolutely amazing experience this last Sunday.  We teach the 16 year old kids and we love every minute of it.  Several weeks ago we issued a challenge to our class to help those in need during this holiday season. 

We were so excited when we found out about an opportunity to serve our neighbors! We found out that there are 3,000 homeless men, women and children who are living on the streets of Salt Lake City, Utah. Yes, they are our neighbors!

So each of the kids in our SS class were assigned 7-8 families in our ward to go and ask for warm coats, boots, hats, gloves and scarfs to share with these people.  They each were responsible to go and pick up the items from these families and bring them to us to pack in our truck.  We invited the older and younger classes in Sunday School to go with us (16-18).  There were 35 youth and 10 adults.  We had an incredible experience!

Click on the link below to see the results of our youth in action!

https://www.icloud.com/iphoto/projects/#3;CAEQARoQbo1aaB-ScnJcFM9asYpa-w;6ED3FE43-76F5-43A7-B6F7-1D67A1F0271F

We went on SUNDAY - during SUNDAY SCHOOL.  
Why? Read below to find out why!

I had thought about having a Christmas Party with our youth to get to know them better, but it just didn't feel right.  I wanted to create something for them that they would never forget and would touch their lives deeply.   When I found out about these homeless people, my heart totally went out to them and I began feeling the spirit of inspiration.  

The next morning I woke up thinking about a situation that had happened to some homeless saints along the pioneer trail.  It was during General Conference of October 1858 that Brigham Young heard that there were hundreds of men, women and children scattered over the long trail. Winter had come early and the people were hungry, and their handcarts and wagons were breaking down...all of them would perish unless they were rescued.

The thing that has always stuck out in my mind about this experience is that it was so important to Brigham Young to help these people, that he canceled General Conference and sent everyone home to get supplies to rescue these homeless saints.

This is the very reason we took our youth on Sunday during Sunday School class to administer aid to the homeless saints in Salt Lake. (Thanks to a willing Bishop who gave us permission and went up with us).  As you can see from the slide show, there were many people who needed our aid.  It was so incredible watching the youth interact with these homeless people, and treating them like the Savior would.  I think this will be an experience that these kids will never forget!
  
President Hinckley shared the following thoughts about these incident.   “I think President Young did not sleep that night. I think visions of those destitute, freezing, dying people paraded through his mind. The next morning he came to the old Tabernacle which stood on this square.”  During the October Conference, 1858 after addressing the saints, President Young then said the following quote.  As I read this quote, I felt the spirit that our youth could make a difference just like the saints in the past had.  I  took a red pen and began crossing out some of Brigham Young's words, and put words that were applicable to our situation with these homeless people.  

Brigham Young said: “… Many of our brethren and sisters are on the plains [streets] with handcarts, [cardboard boxes]… and they must be brought here, [help] we must send assistance to them…That is my religion; that is the dictation of the Holy Ghost that I possess. It is to save the people. …”  

“I shall call upon the Bishops [people] this day. I shall not wait until tomorrow, nor until the next day, for 60 good mule teams [Coats] and 12 or 15 wagons [Boots or Shoes]…Also 12 tons of flour [Hats and scarfs] and 40 good teamsters, [pair of gloves]…”

 “I will tell you all that your faith, religion, and profession of religion, will never save one soul of you in the Celestial Kingdom of our God, unless you carry out just such principles as I am now teaching you. Go and bring in [help] those people now on the plains’[streets]. “

            “That afternoon, food, bedding, and clothing in great quantities were assembled. The next morning, horses were shod and wagons were repaired and loaded. The following morning, … 16 mule teams pulled out and headed eastward. By the end of October there were 250 teams on the road to give relief.” (Conference Report, Oct. 1996, 117–18; or Ensign, Nov. 1996, 85–86).

Well, the afternoon of December 15, 2013 in Salt Lake City, Utah  - every one of those requests in red were filled and many, many more thanks to the generosity and unselfishness of the saints in our ward and our youth!

That's the last blind date I ever went on....

Have you ever been on a blind date?  Did you like it?  Was it awkward like they usually are?  

Well let me tell you about the LAST blind date I ever went on. 

It was 36 years ago today - on December 8th, 1977. 

I lived in Mesa, Arizona and was actively involved in the young adult program.  For a stake activity, the young adults had planned a "Date Auction".  The money they received from the auction was going to go to a charity for Christmas.

The way it was supposed to work was that the girls would submit a "creative date"  and the boys would bid on the dates. Two girls and I got together and submitted a "triple date".  The auction began rather awkwardly, and no one was really bidding, so Gary, the YA President bid on the first date which happened to be ours.  I think our date only went for $7.00, which was the lowest of the night, but at least it got the auction started.

The guys paid the night of the auction, but it was up to everyone to follow through with each other by going on the actual date.  I knew that I would be going out of town later in December, so I put down December 8th as the actual date that we would  meet to go on this triple date.  It turns out that we were the only date that followed through by actually going on the date.  My eternities would have been very different if that blind date never happened!

The day of the "Blind Date" finally arrived.  It was Wednesday, Dec. 8th, 1977 and I had had a very busy day at school.  I heard from one of my girl friends  that two of the three guys that were supposed to go on the date had cancelled.  I was bummed and immediately wanted to just get this date over with.  Gary Jones was the president of the Stake Young Adults and so he recruited two of his friends.  One was Craig Garvin and the other was Keith Horne.  I came home late from school and didn't even take time to change my clothes.  I quickly brushed my hair and left for the date.  Little did I know that I would be instantly attracted to one of the guys on the blind date.

When they came and picked me up, there were two guys and a girl in the back seat, and then Gary was driving and another girl and I sat up front.  I remember looking into the back seat and immediately feeling drawn to Craig.  We all got into the car and drove to the ice skating rink.  As we were driving, we all introduced ourselves and told something about ourselves.  That's when I, for some strange reason, blurted out that I was a return missionary from Madrid, Spain.  Everyone seemed sufficiently impressed for a moment, until Craig started speaking something to me in Spanish.  I mumbled out some very badly pronounced Spanish words back to him that I happened to remember from my high school Spanish class.  It wasn't long before everyone in the car knew that I had NOT served a mission to Spain or anywhere else for a matter of fact! We all had a good laugh and it seemed to lighten the mood in the car and started some playful teasing between Craig and me.

We arrived at the ice skating rink and Craig said that as we walked in, the thought came into his mind as clear as day, "I'm going to marry that girl."  He never told me that until after we were engaged.  He did however lean over to his friend Gary and say, "She's going to ask me to go skate with her."  And right he was.  It was a snowball dance on the rink and someone came and asked me to skate with him.  Then the music stopped and we both went and asked someone else.  I immediately went over and asked Craig to skate with me.  I think we held hands and skated around the rink.  I can't remember exactly what I was feeling, other than attraction.  We kept teasing each other and I loved the thrill of the challenge.

After the skating rink, we stopped by my apartment to get some of the ice cream toppings for our ice cream sundaes at Carol's house.  However, at this point I realized that I was starting to fall for Craig and I didn't feel very pretty.  So.... since I stopped by my apartment to get the food, I just thought I would quickly change my clothes without anyone noticing.  What was I thinking?  Craig notices EVERYTHING!!!! And he did notice.  I took off my frumpy clothes I had worn all day, and put on my brand new pink sweater that I had just worn on a date with a dreamy guy named Dallas.  This picture (see below) of this beautiful pink sweater is what I wore on our blind date ...and I can still wear it 36 years later! (Now a family relic!)

 

After we had ice cream sundaes, we went to the Wednesday night dance for the Young Adults at the LDS ASU Institute.  This dance was where I frequented often.  I had made it a rule to never hold any guys hand, so that I could be "available" to dance with all of the good dancers.  So as we walked in, I felt the same way.  I think it is interesting to note that as we were putting the "blind date" together, and the three of us girls were talking, I think I was the one who suggested that we not set up any one girl with any one boy, just IN CASE, someone hits it off with someone in the date that night.  ha ha.  Little did I know that it would be me!

As Craig and I danced at the dance, I could "feel" something and I am pretty sure that he could too.  I remember we danced the last slow dance and I could definitely feel myself falling for him.  I'm pretty sure that even though I was feeling something for him, that I didn't let him hold my hand at the dance.  How crazy was that!

After the dance, we all got in the car and headed to Denny's for Hot Chocolate and enjoyed visiting more with everyone.  We drove home and Craig offered to walk me to my door.  I was grateful for that, because I was hoping that he would ask me out again, or ask for my phone number, but he didn't.  I told him that I had had a really good time and he agreed that he had too.  He said goodnight and as he turned to walk down my stairs he stopped and said, "Hey, I have a basketball game this Thursday and thought you might want to come."  I don't remember the rest of the conversation, but I found out what time and where.  Then he walked out of my life.  I remember feeling my heart drop a little as he left.  I never thought that anything would come out of this blind date.

Now that I look back, I realize that if I hadn't don't something, we would have never gotten together.  So, I guess you could say that I was like Eve - and my one decision caused a chain of reaction.  haha!  I didn't want to appear too aggressive, so I decided that I would go to his game, but that I would be "fashionably" late.  Thursday came....and I dropped by the church where he was playing basketball.  I was so late, that as I walked in the gym the lights flickered off a moment later.  Then all of a sudden the lights flipped back on and there stood Craig in a burgundy sweat suit that said ASU on it.  He came walking over to me and the light from the exit sign, shined down on him as he stood next to me.  It was then that I realized how tall he was and how much I was attracted to him.  We walked out of the church talking together and then he told me that he and his friends were going to the "Big Apple" restaurant on Main Street in Mesa, Arizona and wanted to know if I wanted to go "with?"

I rode with him in his car to the restaurant and I left my car at the parking lot.   I remember that I ordered apple pie and there was a long table with all of his friends there.  It seemed a bit awkward to me, being there with all of his friends that I didn't know, but he seemed very comfortable with me sitting next to him.  After that was over, he took me back to my car and we stood in the parking lot and talked forever. After that, we met at the young adult dance the following week and then he followed me to my place where we played pool. 

Yes, that was the best and last blind date I ever went on!  However, it felt like forever before Craig finally asked me out on a "real date." Looking back now, I guess you could say that I was a little impatient and Craig wasn't as slow as I thought.  We met for the first time on December 8th, 1977 and he proposed on January 26th, 1978 and we were married on March 18th, 1978!  This coming March we will celebrate 36 wonderful years of being together!

And it all started on a blind date.....

Garvin Family Photo Shoot

                                            Craig and Michele Garvin Family
                                        November 30, 2013

    Click here to watch slide show of 2013 Garvin Family Pictures

https://www.icloud.com/iphoto/projects/#3;CAEQARoQbo1aaB-ScnJcFM9asYpa-w;CCBC3695-4CB9-4328-A1FB-FDCED625151F

Bear One Another's Burden

I wanted to thank many of you for the sweet comments and emails I have received from you after my last post.  Knowing I have such a great support team like many of you helps make what I am going through easier.  I can truly feel your prayers and my burdens seem lighter.  I am happy to share what I am going through with anyone who would like to hear.  However at times it gets overwhelming repeating the same thing over and over and so that is why this blog is so nice.

If you want to be emailed each time I post an update on my health, then go to the top right of my blog where it says "FOLLOW BY EMAIL" and put your email address.  I don't know who is following, but I am happy to share my story.  It's not that I am any more important that anyone else, it's just that cancer is becoming so prevalent that maybe I can help make someone else's burdens lighter by sharing my journey.

Finding Peace in the Unknown

Dear Friends and Family,

I apologize for not keeping you more updated as to my health status.  However, life has been very full and this is the last thing that I have wanted to focus on.  But now as things are beginning to develop, I feel that I need to take you back a little and let you know the status of my health.  I will do that by including two update letters about my health.  One was written on 30 October 2013 and the other is written today, 21 November 2013.

30 October 2013

I went to the doctor today and had what will probably be my last infusion of the drug “Avastin” which is very sad news to me.  I have been receiving this drug every 3 week for almost 2 years.  I was told that I could be on this drug indefinitely, until the cancer came back.  I guess that time has finally come.

Here is a quick recap of my medical situation.  There is a blood test that they use as a tumor marker to determine if you have cancer.  It is called a CA-125.  Normal range is 0-35.  When I was first diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer stage IV in September of 2011, my CA-125 was 687.  On October 3, 2011 I then had a debulking surgery which included a radical hysterectomy, spleenectomy, 5 ½ “ of my bowels, 2 ½ “ of my diaphragm, and my peritoneal wall. After surgery my CA-125 numbers went to 350. 

At that time I qualified for a clinical trial and I started Chemotherapy on November 16, 2011.  At that same time I also started this experimental drug called, “Avastin”.  The trial that I was drawn for was to have chemo every week using a dose-dense amount (smaller dose of drug on a more frequent basis).  Usually chemo treatments are every 3 weeks for 6 different times.  But with this trial I started having chemo every week up until the 12^th week when the neuropathy in my feet became a stage 2.  I was pulled off that part of the trial hoping the neuropathy would get better, but it didn't.  So I finished with the traditional way with the last 2 sets of chemo (3 weeks apart).  My last day of chemo was the day after my 10^th grandchild was born, March 24, 2012.  However, I have continued having Avastin every 3 weeks since then.

Since that point I have been doing so well.  I have been incredibly blessed with energy and strength.  My quality of life is something I never dreamed I would have after my surgery and chemo.  I can’t believe the things I've been able to do and enjoy and I consider it a miracle from the Lord that I've had this time to enjoy.

After my surgery and once I started chemo, my CA-125 numbers started to go down consistently.  First to 165 then on down until it was a 10 in January of 2013.  We were thrilled.  Remember normal is 0-35.  Then I went to Vegas to help my daughter move and during that same time we were planning for a wedding in March.  I made 22 skirts for my daughter’s wedding and was amazed at the strength and energy I had to do all of this.  However, my numbers started to increase to 27 and then 53 and then 60.   Then the next 3 weeks they miraculous went down to 48.  Then I was in charge of a big reunion and they went up to 58 in June.  And then miraculous they went down to 43 in August.  In September they went up to 62 and then 3 weeks ago they continued going up to 82. 

I felt like I was living on a roller coaster.  Up and down, up and down.  It’s no fun having to live your life by numbers!  When I heard 82 I was in shock.  It was supposed to be time to come down again, but it didn't.  We fasted, prayed and I received a blessing three days ago.  In the blessing Craig blessed me that I would have peace and calmness.  He also used the same words that our Stake President used in a blessing he had given me about 18 months ago.  He told me that “my days are not numbered.” 

I have had peace and calmness, even as I went to my appointment today.  Not until right before they handed me the paper with my new CA-125 on it, did I start feeling knots in my stomach.  The nurse that handed me the paper was really kind.  She said in as sweet a voice as possible, “Your numbers have gone up quite a bit since last time.”  Then she handed me the paper.  I glanced at it and read the numbers 112.7.  All I could say was, “Wow!”  I’m glad no one said the numbers out loud.  I think that was easier for me to handle. 

I walked out of the clinic feeling like someone had just punched me in the stomach.  Here I was hoping for a miracle that my numbers would go down again, but they didn't.  It was starting to rain as I walked to my car.  I just felt numb.  I sat in my car for quite a while.  I felt like crying, but nothing would come out.  Finally a tear or two dropped from my eyes and then it was over.  Why cry over this?  Everything is in the Lord’s hand anyway.  Nothing I can do will change the outcome.  What I've got to do is to learn to accept the Lord’s will and make the best of the time I have left.  But that doesn't mean that I will ever give up hoping to be able to stay around as long as possible. 

So what is the next step?  I’m not exactly sure.  I was told that once I had 2 consecutive CA-125 tests over 70, that I would be kicked off the trial.  That just happened today, but the lady from the trial was not there to confirm it.  I’m sure when she sees my latest test, that she will call and let me know that it’s over.  So where does that leave me then…still in the care of my wonderful oncologist, Dr. Wallentine.  He has been taking care of me through all of this anyway.  He is not one to jump to conclusions too fast and I am grateful for that.

They just called and scheduled me for another CT Scan on Monday, November 4th.  Even though my numbers on the CA-125 test have gone up, my last CT scan still showed N.E.D. (No Evidence of Disease) which is good.  So I’m thinking that the doctor will gauge when I have to start chemo again by when there is new evidence of disease in my CT scan.  Hopefully that won’t happen for a while, and would be especially nice to wait until the holidays are all over.  However, I just talked to Kathy my nurse and she said that since I had the debulking surgery, that there is no tumor that they are watching at this point.  She said that my numbers are showing a pattern, probably indicating that the cancer is coming back somewhere.  The CA-125 blood test can detect cancer earlier before the eye can see it.  However, that same blood test is also known for going up for other things such as infection, virus, and endometriosis and such. 

It’s been interesting that the last month or so, I have felt very compelled to have a grandma date with every one of my grandchildren. I have made sure to document each of those dates with pictures and journal entries, not only for myself, but for their memory after I’m gone.  I’m started taking a Family History class in September and we have an amazing teacher named Ann Lewis.  She had us raise our hands and commit to writing 8 minutes a day in our journal for the next 4 months.  I am so grateful for this challenge.  It has helped me to correct my priorities and has seemed to help me focus on what is really important.  By writing every day, it has been kind of like a return and report system of what I am doing with my life.

I’m not saying I’m going to die right now, but I can’t help but know that it is definitely a possibility in the not too distant future. How do you live your life with that hanging over your head?  It’s harder than you can imagine.  Everyone thinks that if they knew they were going to die that they would automatically choose the most important things in life, things that have eternal consequences.  And that is what I am trying to do too, but life so often gets in the way; like cooking, cleaning, phone calls, emails, serving and just being.

So let me end on a positive note.  I’m so grateful for the Plan of Salvation!  What a comfort it should be for every one of us.  Knowing that we can all be together forever is such a comfort.  I’m also grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who is aware of me and knows what is best for me, even when I don’t.  What a blessing it is to have a Savior who has felt and experienced every feeling of pain, sorrow, and sadness we may feel with each of our unique situations.  I’m so grateful for the gift he gave each of us of being able to be resurrected to a perfect body.  I’m grateful that I still have a body, even in the condition it is in and the fact that I can still function and serve is so amazing to me.  I will not give up!  I’ll keep fighting just like everyone else would.  I've heard of people staying alive from chemotherapy to chemotherapy and prayers and miracles.  So whatever it takes, I’m in it for the long haul.  You haven’t seen the last of me!!!

Thank you for your continued prayers,

Michele Garvin

4 Nov. 2013 – update – They had me have another CT Scan today.  It also came back NED.  However, they have scheduled an appointment for Craig and me to meet with my doctor on the 21^st to discuss what protocol he wants to do now, since I am officially off the trial.  My nurse thinks that he will want to start chemo right away.  

Look on the Bright Side....

In regards to some of my recent health issues,

 this little song made me laugh!

Look on the bright side,

you're on the green side of the grass!

You're not six feet under,

Today is not your last!

Living life....one day at a time!

21 November, 2013 – Thursday

Craig and I just got back from seeing Dr. Wallentine.  I feel so blessed that I have not been nervous until this morning to see him.  On Tuesday morning I called the clinic and told them that I wanted to get another CA-125 before I had my consultation with the doctor as to what the next step in my treatments would be.  So I went in and had my blood drawn.

Today when we met with the doctor he told me that my CA-125 had gone up to 148.2.  Just three weeks ago it had jumped from 82 to 112 and now this.  It is definitely showing a consistent pattern.  I had a very strong feeling that it had gone up again, but I continued hanging onto the hope that it wouldn't.  I've been trying to prepare myself to have to start chemo again.  However it’s hard to want to when I still have so much energy and I keep getting new inspiration of things that I want to do and accomplish.  I have prayed that if there was some way I wouldn't have to do chemo this soon, to let it be possible if it was the Lord’s will.

Dr. Wallentine said that the CT scan showed no evidence of disease (NED), which meant that there is no tumor that we can watch and try to attack.  He feels that starting chemo right now would be just a shot in the dark, not knowing exactly just where the cancer to kill is. However, he said because of the consistent rise in the CA-125 it indicates that the cancer has returned and is back somewhere.  He feels that starting chemo right now would not be the best step to take at this point.

He quoted a study that has been done on those whose cancer has come back.  The study showed that those who started chemo immediately at the rise of the CA-125, compared to those who waited until there was evidence of disease, showed no difference in the effectiveness of the treatment in the long run. 

He said that there were 3 things we could consider doing. Even though I am off the trial now, he could administer the Avastin to me and see if the insurance company would pay for it.  I jumped in when he suggested this and said, “Well, it looks like to me that the Avastin is no longer working.”  He said, “Exactly my point.”

The second thing he suggested was that we just watch and wait for symptoms to show up or evidence of disease to appear on the CT scan.  Craig didn't like that suggestion at all.  Craig told the doctor, “The problem I have with that is that Michele has such a high tolerance of pain, that I’m afraid things would start happening to her, but that she would just dismiss them and it would be too late when we finally took her in.  Look at what happened when she was first diagnosed with cancer.”   

The third thing he suggested was for me to take a pill every day called “Tamoxifen”.  It is a hormone therapy and is classified as an “anti-estrogen drug”.  This drug has been mostly used for treatment with breast cancer, but has also been used like I used Avastin, to try and hold off the disease from returning so soon.  He said that by using this drug, we might possibly be able to experience two positive effects; one to slow down the growth of the ovarian cancer and 2) to slow down the possibility of getting breast cancer so soon.  The other upside to using Tamoxifen is that I won’t lose my hair right now!  Yeah!  There are other side affects with this drug but nothing I can’t handle.  Several of my friends who have had breast cancer have used this drug and have not liked it.  I’m hoping it was because they were young and not in menopause yet that the side effects may have been harder on them.  What people complain about mostly is menopausal symptoms such as hot flashes and mood swings, which I have already been thrown into.  (Poor Craig!)

We also discussed with the doctor my high risk of getting breast cancer.  For those of you who may not know, I tested positive for the BRCA 1 GENE.  It is the same gene that Angelina Jolie had.  Click here to read her story.

I have a 43% chance of getting Ovarian Cancer and an 87% chance of getting Breast Cancer before the age of 70.  I will be 56 in January.  Today we talked about the option of having a double mastectomy.  Dr. Wallentine said that because I am at high risk, he would love to see me get rid of my breasts.  But he also knows that the ovarian cancer I am battling is far more dangerous at this point. 

It was interesting that I felt no emotion during this whole appointment until he said, “You have fought a valiant battle with ovarian cancer and won.  But now it has come back and you are called to arms once again.  I don’t know if you are up to fighting this new battle as well as healing physically and emotionally from a double mastectomy.”  When the doctor said I had fought a valiant battle….I could feel my emotions begin to swell.  I tried very hard to not let them surface into tears.  I took his words of me fighting a valiant battle as a great compliment.  But I knew that I hadn't fought it alone!  The Lord has been by my side and has heard the prayers of my sweet family and dear friends.  I know whatever is in the future for me he will continue to help me fight those battles too.

It’s so weird writing about this.  It’s almost like I am interviewing someone who has this dreaded disease, but not me!  How could this be me, and yet I still have so much energy and life left in me?  My son Daniel just walked in and asked me how my doctor’s appointment went.  I briefly told him what I am telling you.  I could tell that it made him sad inside.  As he turned to leave I said, “Honey, we have just got to rejoice in every little victory.  I can’t look too far down the path or I will want to give up!  Right now I don’t have to start chemotherapy and for that little piece of good news I will rejoice!

I will start taking this Tamoxifen at the beginning of December and then I will see see the doctor in January. We will take another CA-125 test then and see if things are holding at a good pattern.  If so, I will keep taking these pills every day and see the doctor every 2-3 months.  Somewhere in there we will schedule a CT scan to monitor if there is any new evidence of disease.  Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a miracle and that this would work?  That is what our prayers will be.  But if not, we will still trust in the Lord and know that everything is up to him anyway.  What an amazing adventure this thing we call earth life!!!  Who would have known all that was in store for each of us!

Family Pictures from the Tauna & Isaac's Utah Open house

 Here are some of the Garvin’s that were in attendance.  We missed Charlene and Paul and their family who live in Las Vegas! 
It turned out to be such a beautiful night, that we took some fun pictures of Craig and I with our kids and grandkids.  Below are some pictures with the Rindlisbachers!             Grandma and Grandpa had fun having a photo shoot with each of the grandkids
       Look at how darling Mya, Brooke and Natalie look in their “junior bridesmaids outfits!
        

              Here some cute pictures with our little man, Ryan Rindlisbacher
Here we are with Bryon and Tracy and Carston 
        Mr. Carston Bradley Garvin
 
  Above is Papa and Grandma with Logan and Carston and below are Dan & Kyrstin
                                        Here with Logan Daniel Garvin
                                   Here with little Miss Claire Garvin

Other Random pictures from the Open house

   

   

We were thrilled when our dear friends friends, Wes and Donna Stephenson came.

         Here is another dear friend of the family, Micah Massey with his cute girlfriend Emily!

  The reason the Utah Openhouse was 3 weeks after the wedding, was because Isaac’s little brother, Kaleb came home last week from his mission to Scottland and he wanted him to be there.